Trust
by PiscesChikk
Summary: The budding relationship between Carter and Beecher has made Reese question whether or not he only sees Carter as a friend. A possible connection with Beecher and HR only serves to complicate things as John struggles to keep her safe and win her heart. Will he lose her trust?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N This is my first attempt at writing a Person of Interest fic. I normally write stories for Scandal, and a few of the readers of my crossover fic Thorngate asked if I would write something for POI. So here goes. Hope you enjoy. I don't own POI or any of its characters even though I wish I did. Make sure leave a review, like it or not. thanks :-)**_

* * *

Joss Carter.

The name burned through his mind and rolled softly off his tongue. He watched as she ascended the steps to her building with Taylor by her side, carrying two bags of groceries. Taylor opened the door to let her in first and she turned and smiled at him. It lit up her face, reaching her round cheeks and travelled all the way to her eyes. She laughed at something Taylor said, and the beautiful sound echoed into the night.

It was Wednesday. And on Wednesday nights in the Carter house, they ate homemade spaghetti. John imagined the scent of garlic, rich pasta sauce and the aroma of spices filling the air. John had been inside Carter's house twice, each time uninvited, when he'd gone to ask her to help him look for Finch. He'd seen the inside of it many times, when he would watch her after she got home from work and for a brief time after she was shot by her confidential informant just to make sure that she was doing okay. He'd seen her helping Taylor with his homework, sometimes they played video games on the TV in the living room, and he watched them sit and enjoy a quiet meal at home, but he'd never been invited in.

Lately he found himself wishing that just once she'd extend the invitation.

Just then a car pulled up and the driver got out carrying what looked to be a bottle of wine in his hand. A closer look revealed that it was none other than Cal Beecher. John swore at the sight of him. Initially he'd given Carter his blessing when they first started dating, but after almost two months of him coming over for dinner, and taking Carter out he was somewhat uneasy with his presence in her life. Just recently, she'd introduced him to Taylor. His only consolation was that it didn't seem as if the boy liked him all that much no matter how friendly Beecher was with him.

Carter let him inside after he knocked on the door and he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. John's jaws tensed at their small show of affection. He stalked off heading for his car and revved up the engine.

He reached for the dial on the radio when his phone rang. It was Fusco.

"What is it, Lionel?"

"We got to talk."

"About what?"

"About Carter's new boyfriend, Beecher."

"What about him?"

"I've been asking around about him. Something about him just doesn't sit right with me. But I can't talk over the phone."

"Okay. Fifteen minutes. The usual spot."

"Make it thirty."

* * *

"What's got you so worried Lionel?" Reese asked walking towards the bench Fusco was sitting on near the Queensborough Bridge.

"Good evening to you too." Said Fusco and got up to stand beside him.

"What's on your mind?"

"Couple weeks ago I talked to Olson who pointed out some things to me. The fancy car, the clothes, the somewhat extravagant things he does every now and again, not to mention the types of women he goes out with from time to time."

"Sure you don't want to be one of them?"

"I'm being serious, here, Wonderboy." Fusco replied with a scowl.

"So am I. I've yet to hear anything that says he's involved in something suspicious. Doesn't he work undercover in Narcotics?"

"He does, yeah…."

"Then you're wasting my time, Lionel." Reese said letting out a long breath and started walking away with Fusco on his heel.

"Look I followed him. Twice. And he's met with the same guy, twice. Alonzo Quinn, you know the guy who's some political advisor for Ed Griffin?"

"Yes." He answered, opening the car door and got in.

"The first time I tailed him, Simmons was there, and he had a real problem with me watching Beecher. Wanted to know why I was asking so many questions. He told me to back off. He wouldn't do that unless I stumbled onto something. I don't know if this Quinn guy is tied to HR, but if he is, then maybe Beecher could be too."

"I'll look into, Fusco." Reese said and pulled off. He dialed Finch's number.

"Did you get that Finch?"

"I did Mr. Reese. What do you make of it?"

"It seems Cal Beecher could be playing both sides of the fence. We're going to have to start watching him."

"And what about Detective Carter?"

"We can't tell her about this, not yet. We don't have anything concrete. And without any solid evidence she won't believe us. For right now we just have to watch him.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Right now? I'm tired and I'm heading home."

* * *

"You finished all your homework Taylor baby?" Carter asked watching him load the dishwasher.

"I'm all done. Just got some studying to do for the Math test tomorrow."

"How was the History test today?"

"The essay question was a killer, but I think I did pretty good."

"I'm so proud of you baby." She said walking towards him and planting a big kiss on his cheeks."

"Mom…." He protested as she pulled him in for a tight squeeze.

"You know you'll always be mama's little boy. Go on, go hit those books." She said finally letting him go.

She watched as he disappeared down the hallway after saying goodnight to Cal and smiled.

"He's a good kid." Said Cal.

"He's a wonderful kid. Love him so much."

She stood leaning against the wall watching Cal as he was watching her. They'd been dating for two months, and she really liked him. But something was holding her back and she couldn't quite put a finger on it. He was sexy, a gentleman, treated her nice, but something in her couldn't make that transition from serious like to love. That something she couldn't quite name also had a lot to do with the fact that they hadn't gotten physical yet. At least not in the way Cal wanted to.

She watched as he walked closer to her, until he was standing just in front of her.

"You're so beautiful, Joss." He said and for some reason she heard John's voice in her ear. She mentally shook her head and focused on Cal as he bent his head and his lips hovered close to hers. She could feel his breath on her face, waiting to see if he'd take control. When he didn't make a move she pulled him by his jacket until their lips touched.

The touch of his mouth on hers was sweet, soft, gentle. Her arms went around his neck pulling him closer and he put his arms around her waist. His lips moved down to her neck, touching his tongue lightly against it, she liked the soft wet touch of it and she bucked against him.

His hands moved underneath her shirt, and over her back.

"Baby your skin is so soft. You feel so good."

His mouth was on hers again, this time more demanding, his tongue probing and he started unbuttoning her shirt. Carter pulled back.

"Wait, Cal." She said stepping away and redoing her buttons. "We can't do this."

"I want you, Joss."

"This can't happen here. My kid is just down the hallway. He can walk out any minute. I'm not about to let him see his mother in a compromising position."

"Then when?"

"When what?"

"You know what I'm talking about. We've been seeing each other for two months and we've yet to move beyond kissing. Are you trying to tell me something? Am I the only person in this relationship we have? Is there someone else?"

"Of course I'm in it, Cal and no, there's nobody else. But…."

"But what?"

"I'm just not ready." She could see the frustration on his face and she hated being a tease, but she couldn't bring herself to take the next step. She had Taylor to consider and the next step with Cal, meant he'd be in her life more, and whoever she let in her life could directly affect her son and the tight bond they shared. She knew Taylor didn't hate Cal, but he didn't care for him that much either. Taylor was her world. For the longest it had just been the two of them. She didn't want anything or anyone to come between them

And then there was John…wait no….why would John factor into her relationships? She shook her head.

"I'm sorry. I understand if you don't wanna see me anymore, but….that's just the way it is right now."

"No. I'm the one who's sorry. If you're not ready, you're not ready. I won't rush you. And besides, I know you'll be worth the wait."

She smiled then and walked up to him kissing him softly.

"How bout we crack open that bottle of wine you bought, huh?" she asked.

* * *

Reese stood in front of the windows in his loft and turned off the audio for Carter's phone. He'd just listened to the exchange between them. He listened to their groping, the heavy breathing and imagined Beecher's hands travelling over Carter's body, him kissing her. It made him angrier every second. He was just about to shut off the connection when he realized they were about to make love when he heard Joss say she couldn't do it. Though he was happy and relieved to hear that their relationship hadn't been physical, he wondered why.

Why wasn't she ready? And why did he feel more at ease at her admission?

He let out a long breath, removing his ear piece and getting into bed.

These were questions he didn't want to think about, especially since the answers to them would require him to dig deep inside himself and that wasn't something he was prepared to do. Not just yet.


	2. Take Care

"Good morning, Detective." Said Fusco.

"What do we got, Fusco?" asked Carter. It was a little after 8am in the morning, and they'd been called to Washington Heights to a crime scene. Fusco was the first to arrive and greeted her as she got out of her car.

She was nursing a cold that had come out of nowhere. Her head was stuffy, her throat was a little sore and she had a runny nose. She popped a lozenge into her mouth and walked into the apartment with Fusco.

"Double homicide. Victims were shot in the back of the head, point blank range. Place has been ransacked so whoever killed 'em were looking for something before they left. Whether they found it or not is another story."

"Do we have any I.D. on either of them?"

"They're collecting fingerprints now. Should know pretty soon."

Carter stared at the two bodies for a minute, putting gloves on her hands. Both had dark hair and were dressed in dark suits. They both lay on their belly, faces turned to the side. What a way to start the morning. The sight before her would shock the average person, but after her years as a detective, she'd grown accustomed to scenes such as this. It was a shame really.

She looked at them for any distinct markings. The one on the left had a scratch on the right side of his neck and she saw what appeared to be ink peeking out from under the cuffs of the other. She bent down and rolled it back, revealing a tattoo.

"Fusco, check this out. See this? It's a Croat tattoo."

"Croat?" He asked bending down next to her. "You think Manfred Gabric's trying to move into this area again?"

"Could be…..I don't know." She looked around walking into the bedroom. The mattress was torn, all the drawers pulled out, lots of miscellaneous items thrown about the floor. She slowly opened the closet. "Hey Fusco, check this out."

He touched the white powdery substance she pointed to, waving it under his nose.

"That's cocaine, Carter. Well I think it's safe to assume Gabric's back. But looks like this deal went bad. They stole the product and shot those two."

"I think I saw some security cameras when we were coming in. We need to check those out, maybe pay a visit to a few of his old customers."

"You don't sound too good Carter, you feeling alright?" He asked as they walked out.

"Just a little cold I woke up with this morning. It's nothing." She peeled off the gloves, discarding them in a trash bin outside.

"You had breakfast yet?" Fusco asked.

"Nah, I rushed here straight from home."

"Come on, I'll treat ya. We'll get something before we head back to the station to look at that security footage."

* * *

Reese stood outside across the street from Beecher's apartment complex, binoculars in hand, watching the door of the building. It wasn't long before he walked out, and paused out front answering his cell phone. Reese quickly crossed the street, intentionally bumping into Beecher.

"Hey! You need to watch where you're going." Said Cal, more annoyed than angry but he continued his phone call.

"Sorry." Reese mumbled, but didn't look up. He took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at it. The pairing of Cal's phone was complete. He smiled.

"Do you have his phone now Finch?"

"I do, Mr. Reese."

Reese watched as Beecher jumped into a black Lincoln Navigator and pulled off.

"Any ideas where he's going?"

"We'll find out in a minute." He said as he pulled off behind him.

The drive wasn't long. Beecher's foot was heavy Reese noted and he soon pulled into the parking lot of an abandoned basketball court. He sat in the vehicle for a good ten minutes before two black sedans pulled up and parked beside him. Reese parked about a block away and watched waiting for something to happen.

The driver of the sedan exited his vehicle and walked over to the Navigator, knocking on the window. Cal opened the door and came out, looking around to see if anyone was watching. Reese reached into a small camera bag on the passenger seat and took out his Nikon. He took pictures of them trying to capture the man's face.

"Beecher's meeting with a few guys Finch. And by the looks of those tattoos, I'd say they're Croats."

"I'm accessing the audio on his phone now, Mr. Reese."

Reese listened as they discussed a shipment of some sort that was coming in, in two weeks. They didn't say exactly what the shipment was, but Reese deduced that it was some form of drugs since Beecher worked the Narcotics division.

"Do you think he's playing dirty Mr. Reese? He could simply be working an undercover case."

"Could be. I'll run this by Fusco, see if he can find out what Beecher's working on. We don't need to talk to Carter about this just yet."

"I don't think she'd be too happy about you investigating her new boyfriend."

"He's not her boyfriend, Finch."

"_Two of my guys got shot this morning. They stole our product. Someone is going to pay for that. I want my money." _

"_Don't worry about that Manny, I'll take care of it." said Cal. "Don't do anything until I get back to you, you understand?"_

"Hear that, Finch?"

"Yes and I think we need to talk to Fusco sooner rather than later."

* * *

Carter and Fusco went over the video together. From what they could see three men pulled up at the apartment complex in a white van, and unlike the victims they were dressed casually in jeans, sneakers and windbreaker jackets. Two Hispanics and one African American. The footage on the camera was poor, and they weren't able to get a clear view of any of the guys, though the African American looked in the direction of the camera briefly and Fusco noticed a scar on his face that ran from ear to nose.

"This kid right here looks familiar."

"You know him?" Carter asked looking closely at the van, looking for any distinct markings but found none. She noticed a partial licence plate number and wrote it down.

"He looks like a local banger who just got released from jail a couple months ago. Jason Davis. He got busted for assault and attempted murder. I could check it out."

Fusco walked back to his desk and his phone rang.

"Fusco." He said.

"Detective, John has been following Beecher this morning. He met up with some rather questionable characters and we need I.D. on them. I sent you some images for you to check out." Said Finch on the other line.

Fusco pulled up his email, looking at the photos.

"He called one of the guys 'Manny'."

"I knew it. Manfred Gabric." He said confirming the identity of the man in the photos. "He moved his operation a couple years back, but he's one of the biggest coke dealers in this area. We found two of his guys shot in the back of the head this morning, deal went sour."

"Yes and apparently 'Manny' isn't too happy about it. Beecher stopped him from whatever he was planning to do to retaliate. Do you have any suspects yet, Detective?" asked Reese who was on the line too.

"One possibly, Jason Davis. I'm gonna go have a talk with him."

Carter walked over to his desk then.

"I made out a witness from the footage. Hiding behind another car next to the van."

"You recognize 'em?"

She nodded putting her coat on. "An old C.I. of mine. I'll check to see if he still hangs out at the same place. I'll meet you back here later."

"Carter's checking out a possible witness, a former C.I. of hers."

"Let us know what you get from Davis. I'll go check out this guy with Carter." Said Reese and hung up.

* * *

Carter had been sitting in her car for about 20 minutes waiting for her former C.I. to show up but there was still no sign of him. She popped another lozenge into her mouth, but it seemed her throat was getting worse. So was her runny nose, she thought, wiping it with some tissue.

"This is ridiculous. If I don't see him in another 10 minutes, I'm gone." She muttered to herself.

Suddenly her back door opened and closed.

"Talking to yourself, Detective?" She swung round to see John settling himself into the back seat with a smirk on his face, looking like the cat that ate the canary.

"Where in the world did you come from?" she said looking at him in the rearview mirror.

"You know me. I'm never far away. Fusco tells me you're looking for your C.I."

"Yeah, hopefully he can shed some light on the double homicide this morning. But I've been sitting here for twenty minutes and he's been a no show."

"I don't like the looks of this area, Carter. You shouldn't have come alone."

Carter had a flashback to a few months earlier when she walking down a dark alley to see Bottle Cap. He was a trusted C.I. and she ended up getting two shots in the chest. Thank God she was wearing her vest that night, or she wouldn't have lived to tell the tale. And thank God John was there or the shots in her chest would have been accompanied by one in the head.

"I remember you telling me that I wasn't alone." She answered softly.

Their eyes met in the rearview mirror and Carter felt herself flush looking into his intense gaze. It was a night she'd never forget. She'd been chasing him for months, the elusive man in a suit. And for some strange reason that night he'd become her guardian angel. In a way she felt he still was. It made her think of him in a different light.

She put the back of her hand to her forehead. It was warm to the touch.

"Are you feeling okay, Carter?" He asked a concerned look on his face.

"It's just a cold." She said and looked across the street. "There he is."

"Okay let's go." He said and they both got out of the car.

"He's a bit skittish John, so don't make any sudden moves." She warned.

They both walked across the street to the side of an apartment building. The C.I. walked in the back, and lit up a cigarette leaning on the fence as he smoked it. Reese watched the man as Carter approached him. He was short kid, with a low hair cut and he was very dirty all the way from his clothes and shoes to his skin. Reese didn't trust him. The track marks on his arms confirmed his suspicions about the kid hitting heroine.

"Hello Roman. Long time no see." He got up from the fence as he saw Reese behind her. "Relax, I only want to talk." She assured him as he eyed John suspiciously. "He's a friend." Said Carter.

"What do you want?" He asked. "You forgot we stopped our arrangement years ago. I don't work for you no more." He sneered, revealing decayed and missing teeth.

"I can make it worth your while. Just got a couple of questions about the shooting by the Bentonville apartment complex this morning. Those three guys who shot the Croats. Do you know who they are?"

"Maybe I do. Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't feel like talking about it. What do you have to persuade me?" He walked toward Carter with a look in his eye that Reese didn't like and he reached inside his coat clutching his Glock.

Unfortunately Roman saw his slight movement.

"What the fuck are you playin' at Carter? Huh? You brought this guy here to get me?!" Carter quickly turned to look at Reese then back at Roman. He was close enough now to deliver a solid blow to her face. The last thing she heard was Reese calling her name and two shots ringing out in the air before she blacked out.

* * *

The first thing Carter felt when she regained consciousness was the pain on the side of her face and she winced. She tried getting up but the room started spinning and everything started blending into one. Doors and windows they were all the same. The blinding light of the golden hour shone in the room and she swore she glimpsed the New York City skyline. Where the hell was she?

"Taylor? Where's Taylor? Where am I?" She murmured.

She faintly heard what sounded like Reese's voice in her ear before she blacked out again.

"Its okay, Joss. I got you. I got you."

* * *

"What happened to the Detective, Reese?"

"We went to question an old informant of hers and it didn't go well. He knocked her unconscious and on top of that she's running a very high fever."

"What about the informant? Did you get anything out of him?"

"Only a confirmation of Jason Davis being one of the guys at the scene this morning."

"Where's Carter now?"

"She's here at my loft. I need you to call Fusco, get him to take Taylor by his grandmother's. She's in no shape to go anywhere right now, she can barely move, Finch."

"What are you gonna do Mr. Reese?"

"I'm gonna take care of her."

* * *

Reese walked slowly towards his bed, looking down at Carter's limp body. He slowly removed her shoes, placing them on the side of the bed. He removed her socks revealing beautiful caramel toes and feet and red nail polish. His eyebrows shot up at the colour. He found himself tracing a finger over her big toe of her right foot and thinking something that caught him entirely off guard.

He put an arm around her back raising her up from the bed pulling her against his chest. She smelled of lozenges, but there was a trace of another scent there he couldn't place, but it was floral. He used his next hand to slowly ease her out of her jacket. He switched arms to finish taking it off all while she was slumped against him. Next he took off her holster and removed her gun to rest it on the drawer beside the bed. He loosed the buckle on her belt at the waist and slowly pulled it off of her and finally he took her cell phone out of her pocket and put it beside her gun.

She stirred briefly and muttered Taylor's name again reaching out to hold his hand.

"It's okay. He's at your mom's." He doubted she heard him, but he wanted to reassure her anyway.

"Don't go…" she pleaded as he let go of her hand and got up.

"I'll be right back, I promise."

Reese walked into the bathroom opening the medicine cabinet, getting a few things out. He returned with some cold and flu medicine that he managed to get her to swallow. And he brought some extra blankets to spread over her so she could sweat out her fever.

"Joss, I'm going to unbutton your shirt a bit." He said and she murmured something he couldn't make out clearly.

"I promise to be a complete gentleman." He said and opened a small jar of vapor rub and spread it thickly over her chest.

Having done that, he pulled the covers up to her neck and tucked her in.

He stood back watching her as she turned over onto her side and curled up resting her fist under her chin. She looked so peaceful and with the expression on her face, Reese couldn't help but think she looked like an angel. He found himself wishing she'd come to his place under different circumstances then shook the thought from his head.

He shrugged out of his jacket and hung it up in his closet and rolled up his sleeves. He got a beer out of the fridge and took a long drink. He got a zip lock bag out of the cupboard and filled it with ice cubes. He took another drink of the beer then put the bottle onto the counter. He slowly walked over to the bed and sat down.

"This is gonna be a little cold, Joss, but we need this swelling to go down. You ready?" He held the bag to her face and though she initially flinched at the cold, she continued to stay still on the bed.

He found himself smoothing strands of her hair from her forehead and threading his fingers through it. He ran the tip of his fingers over her eyebrows, and then stopped himself. He didn't want to take advantage of her while she was sick. He knew she trusted him to a certain degree and he knew she wouldn't be pleased if he compromised her in any way.

If she was able to sweat out the fever, she'd be alright by morning, he thought. He sat down on the couch prepared to stay up all night to watch her.

He got up through the night every now and again to wipe the sweat from her face and put ice on her cheek and when he checked her temperature he was pleased to see that it was dropping steadily.

It was shortly before 6am when Carter opened her eyes and sat up. She looked around the room, taking note of her surroundings and didn't recognize where she was. She threw the blankets off of her feeling sticky and sweaty like she needed a shower, but her fever was gone and she breathed much better than she had yesterday.

To her left were her gun and holster, her belt and her cell phone. She hadn't remembered moving any of them; she hadn't remembered how she even got here. But she looked over at the sofa a few feet opposite the bed and saw John slowly lift his head up and look directly at her.

"Good morning, Detective."


	3. One of these Mornings

"Morning?" How long have I been here and where exactly am I?"

She stood up getting out of the bed, but was still feeling a little weak, and she sat back down.

"Take it easy Carter." He said coming to stand beside her next to the bed. "You're still not fully recovered from last night. This is my place." He said silently wishing her illness hadn't been the reason for her first visit here, then mentally shaking his head at the thought.

Carter took a quick look around. It was still dark, but the soft lights of the city streaming through the window allowed enough illumination for her to see it was a pretty huge loft. It was furnished in the minimalist style and she decided that it fit John's personality perfectly.

He turned on the lamp by the window and she squinted at bit.

"What happened?" She asked quietly. "The last thing I remember is us going to talk to Roman and him clocking me on the side of the face."

"Yeah after he did that he ran for a bit, but I caught up with him. He confirmed that it was Jason Davis who was with the other guys in the van. So at least you have one definite suspect for your double homicide." He came to sit next to her in the bed and raised his hand toward her. She moved a bit, taken aback at this side of him.

"May I?" He asked and she nodded after a while. He put the back of his hand to her forehead, then under her neck. She saw him give an almost imperceptible nod. "Good. Your fever's gone down considerably, but you shouldn't go in to work today. You need to rest."

"John, what happened to Roman?"

When he didn't answer, she assumed the worst. "John…you didn't."

"I'm not saying he's dead, Carter."

"But you're not saying he's alive, either. How'd I end up here?"

"Well, you were unconscious, you were running a high fever and it was getting worse. I didn't want to take you back to your place because no one was there to take care of you. My only option was bringing you here." She looked up at him noting the concern in his eyes. He had been worried about her, she realized. He'd wanted to make sure she was taken care of. Something about the notion of him caring for her warmed her heart in an unexplainable way. She had no words.

She also noticed a few other things. Her shoes and socks were off, so was her jacket and her shirt had been unbuttoned a little. She looked up at him again picturing him taking the time to slip them off of her feet, laying her down in the bed and making sure she was comfortable. She had been bundled up tight under those blankets and he had fallen asleep on his couch. He'd even taken her earrings out. It all seemed so…intimate suddenly.

"And I have you to thank for semi undressing me too?"

"Well, about that…..you were…..congested. So I put a little vapor rub on your…..do you want something to eat? I could fix breakfast." He said getting up and padding over to the kitchen area.

"You're gonna cook me breakfast now?" she asked with a smirk.

"If you'd like. You need your strength, Carter if you want to get better."

"That sounds pretty good, but….I need to get home, get changed and check on Taylor."

"Well that's been taken care of." He said quickly. Her being sick wasn't the ideal circumstance for her to be here, but now that she _**was**_ here; he wasn't ready for her to leave just yet.

"What do you mean taken care of?"

"Fusco took him over to your mother's for the night. We told him, well Fusco told him, that you were busy working on a case and wouldn't be home. I didn't think you'd want him worrying about you being sick, so…..and Taylor packed you a bag, so if you want to change and…take a shower here, you can."

"You thought of everything didn't you?"

"Well you know me, I like to be prepared." He said and opened the refrigerator.

"Where's the bag?" She asked looking around, and then found it next to the bed. She picked it up and slowly walked into the kitchen. He was still getting things out of the fridge and his back was turned.

"Where's the bathroom?" she asked standing just behind him. He spun round at the sound of her voice and slowly rested the carton of eggs on the counter top.

"I'm sorry. I must look a mess." She said thinking of her rumpled clothes and touching her hair which she knew was probably all over the place.

"Actually Carter you look….it's straight ahead to the right, opposite the bed."

"Towels?"

"The linen closet is right next to it."

"Thanks." She said looking at him curiously.

Carter got undressed in the bathroom and took a look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was in fact a mess and it was matted to one side. She shook her head not even believing where she was. She'd never been in John's apartment before; she'd never even known where it was. Yet this is the first place he thought of bringing her when she was sick.

She touched her chest remembering him say he put some vapor rub on it and smiled. As much time as they spent together she honestly couldn't put her finger on any time that he'd actually touched her, but he'd put vapor rub on her while she was sick. She couldn't help but smile at how sweet that was and tried to picture him doing it.

She wondered just how much of a look at her had he allowed himself when he'd unbuttoned her shirt. She always trusted John, so she dismissed the notion that he'd try to take advantage of her. For some reason though, this morning he seemed nervous around her. She wondered why as she stepped into the shower under the welcome heat of the water on her skin. She saw he had some shampoo and put some in her palm washing her hair.

The heat from the water made her feel so much better, she felt much stronger too as she stepped out and toweled herself off. She went through the bag Taylor packed and was grateful he'd packed underwear but dismayed to find he'd thrown in just a t-shirt and some black leggings. Why in the world hadn't he packed her some work clothes? Didn't her child know better? She grabbed her toothbrush and brushed her teeth before putting her clothes on.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom, the scent of eggs and bacon filled her nostrils.

She dropped her bag by the bed and joined Reese in the kitchen.

"Something smells good." She said a bright smile on her face.

Reese was putting pancakes onto a plate and stopped in his tracks at the sight of her. He was used to seeing her dressed in work wear, jacket and coat with a gun strapped to her. Now she was fresh faced, her hair was damp and she was wearing a t-shirt and leggings that hugged her thighs in the most flattering way. The scent of his soap mingled well on her skin and it wafted into his nostrils as she came to stand near him peering at what was on the stove.

She walked over to the kitchen counter and sat on it watching him. He allowed the tiniest trace of a smile to pass over his lips as she did it. Something inside him was glad that she was making herself comfortable in his space. Besides Finch, she'd been the only other person to come here.

He walked over to her and handed her a plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes.

"I never pictured you as the domesticate type, John." She teased pouring syrup over her pancakes, then tasting them.

"I don't cook a whole lot, but…I can hold my own." He replied watching her mouth as she chewed, almost mesmerized by her bottom lip.

This is ridiculous; he thought and got some orange juice out of the fridge.

"This is good." Carter said.

"Thanks. Orange juice?" He asked already pouring her a glass.

"I truly feel pampered." She said drinking some. "I haven't been taken care of like this in a long time."

She locked eyes with him and he wondered at that statement. She'd been seeing Beecher for two months and she'd not felt 'taken care of'? Maybe that was part of the reason they hadn't gotten physical yet. Maybe that's what she felt was missing between them.

"Thank you, John." She said setting her plate down.

"For what?"

"For taking care of me. For pampering me. For being there when I went to see Roman. If you hadn't been there, I don't know what could have happened."

"Just keeping my promise." He said quietly. She smiled. From that night long ago, he had faithfully kept his promise. Whenever she needed him, he was always there.

"Hold up, wait. Aren't you going to have something to eat too?" she just noticed that he'd only fixed something for her to eat.

"I'm not hungry right now. I'll probably get something later."

"Now I feel bad."

"Don't. I'm fine really."

"You want some of my eggs? Come on." She said scooping some eggs up and holding out her fork. The gesture itself was incredibly intimate and breathed of a familiarity reserved for someone she was dating…like Beecher perhaps. Yet here she was offering him food from her plate.

Reese looked at her, mouth half open in anticipation of him eating the eggs. He wanted to taste her lips instead, he found himself thinking.

He walked toward the counter and put both hands on either side of her while she fed him. She smiled, then reached up touching his mouth.

"You got something right there." She said softly running her thumb over his bottom lip, but she put her hand on his face and it lingered there a minute.

Her cell phone ringing interrupted their moment.

"Excuse me." She said and he helped her off the counter, holding her by the waist. The brief contact of her sliding against him just a little sent a current through them both.

"Carter." She said finally answering.

"Baby where you been?" It was Cal on the other line.

"Cal…" Reese heard her say and swore under his breath. He had lousy timing. But what did he think was about to happen anyway? He knew what he would have liked to have happened. He walked over to the window looking out. The sun was coming up and the apartment was being lit up by its warm rays. He glanced at her sitting on the bed talking to Beecher. The sunrays touched her skin on her arms and it looked almost golden in the light.

He heard her laugh and wondered what Beecher said to elicit that response. She finally hung up.

"Beecher." She said pointing to the phone.

"Hmm."

"I have to go, John. I wanna talk to Fusco and see what he's got from Davis. And I really do need to check on Taylor." She put the tennis shoes on that Taylor packed in her bag mentally noting she needed to have a talk with her child about his choice of clothing and got her holster and gun from the nightstand. "And of course, Beecher." She said it almost as an afterthought.

"I still think you should take the day off. Rest a bit more." He said.

"I just might take your advice, John. Thank you so much for….for everything. I owe you one."

* * *

"What do you know about the double homicide yesterday, Cal?"

"Well, Quinn, as far as I know, it looks like a drug deal gone bad." Beecher replied.

"The mayor is really concerned with the rise in the crime rate right now. He wants to set up a task force soon. Do you know who the major players are in this?"

"It looks like it could be Manny Gabric. That's what homicide division is saying, but they're not 100% sure."

"Manny Gabric. The Croats are moving back to the area?"

"It's a possibility like I said, but they're not exactly sure."

"What about leads? Witnesses, Cal"

"Well the investigation's still fresh; I'm not sure what they have just yet."

"I'm going to need you to piggy back the investigation. Find out some information and get back to me."

Beecher knew that it was Carter's case. He normally didn't like to mix business with pleasure, but since Quinn was his godfather, he figured he could make an exception.

"I'll see what I can do."

* * *

Reese had heard the entire exchange between Cal Beecher and Alonzo Quinn. Fusco had told him that he had been suspicious of Beecher and wondered if he had ties to HR. After listening to the conversation he was beginning to suspect Quinn's involvement in HR could be true. His interest in doing something about the crime rate could have been legitimate but he seemed especially curious about Manny Gabric. It didn't sit well with Reese.

"Finch, Beecher just met with Quinn again. He wants him to get info on Carter's new case."

"What are you thinking Mr. Reese?"

"Remember we thought that Lane wasn't the only person on HR's payroll?"

"Yes, I do."

"I'm thinking he wasn't the only one who was in deep. We have to keep eyes on Beecher and find out how he fits into all of this. I'm not comfortable with him being around Carter."

"I'll see what else I can dig up on Quinn and get back to you Mr. Reese."

"Good, I'll stay on Beecher."

* * *

Lionel added sugar to his coffee, and looked around for the half and half. The creamer was there, but he hated the powdery stuff.

"Hello Lionel." He looked around to see Simmons standing beside him.

"What do you want Simmons?"

"Is that any way to treat an old friend?"

"We've never been friends and I told you I'm done doing favours for you." There was no half and half to be found, so he was forced to use the creamer. He reached out for it, but Simmons knocked it out of his reach.

"What did your suspect tell you about the homicide yesterday?"

"Why the hell are you interested in that?"

"Why the hell do you always ask so many questions, Fusco? I need to know who authorized the hit on those two Croats yesterday. Get me the information as soon as you can." He said slamming the jar of creamer down in front of Lionel and walking off.

"Son of a bitch." Fusco muttered.

* * *

"Now this is a sure fire way to get rid of the rest of that cold." Said Beecher. Carter smiled at him as he walked over to her with a hot mug of something he said was an old family remedy for the flu. She was bundled up under a blanket in her living room and they'd spent the last two hours together. Taylor had already gone to his room and they were alone.

She took a sip of the warm liquid.

"What is this, Cal?"

"I can't tell you just yet. Family secret. Strictly confidential." He said coming to sit next to her.

"I hope it doesn't kill me." She joked, taking another sip.

He reached out to run a hand over her temple and played in her hair.

"No, you know I'd never hurt you. I was worried about you last night. Why didn't you call me and tell me you were sick? I would have taken care of you."

Carter couldn't help thinking of John then. She _**had**_ been taken care of.

"Well Lisa needed me. She's going through some things with her boyfriend. She needed someone to talk to." She hated lying to him, but how could she possibly explain spending the night in another man's bed even if she was sick and he slept on the couch? Cal would never accept it, and he'd only want to know just who John really was.

"Listen Joss. I've got some down time coming to me in about three weeks. Would you like to go away for the weekend with me?"

Joss sat upright, putting her mug down. "I don't know, Cal. What about Taylor?"

"He can stay by your mom's. It's only a weekend. We could take a trip to D.C.; go to the Smithsonian, the Lincoln Monument. Spend some time alone."

He grabbed her hand, squeezing it and she smiled back. Going away with him for the weekend….spending time alone…..she knew he wanted to take things further.

"Don't say no, just yet. Just…think about it. Okay?"

She nodded her head. "Okay."

* * *

"_Listen Joss. I've got some down time coming to me in about three weeks. Would you like to go away for the weekend with me?"_

_Joss sat upright, putting her mug down. "I don't know, Cal. What about Taylor?"_

"_He can stay by your mom's. It's only a weekend. We could take a trip to D.C.; go to the Smithsonian, the Lincoln Monument. Spend some time alone."_

_He grabbed her hand, squeezing it and she smiled back. Going away with him for the weekend….spending time alone…..she knew he wanted to take things further._

"_Don't say no, just yet. Just…think about it. Okay?"_

_She nodded her head. "Okay."_

On the other end, John shut the audio off on Beecher's phone wishing he hadn't heard what he just did. He wondered how much thought she would give to his offer of going away.

He sat on his bed slowly lowering himself against his pillows. Thoughts of her presence in his loft this morning flashed in his mind. He turned his face into the pillow thinking that just this morning; she lay in the exact same spot he was in right now.


	4. Slow Burn

When Carter got back to work two days later she learned that Fusco had questioned Jason Davis about the shooting. He was pretty tight lipped even after he found out that they had him on tape and that they had a witness that could place him at the crime scene. He was nervous as hell about being charged with a double homicide, but for two days he wouldn't give up who the other two guys were or who they were working for. It seemed he was more than willing to go back to prison, alone if he had to.

She would have loved to have pinned this on him, but Carter was determined to find the other two guys. Davis had a history of priors, assault and battery, armed robbery; he'd been implicated in murders before, but had never been convicted. He'd always had good representation and this time was no different.

Two attorneys in expensive suits had bailed him out by the end of her first day back and she recognized one of them. He was one of the attorneys for David Frazzano one of the capo's for Don Facile.

She crossed her arms in front of her and watched as he walked out feeling triumphant.

"How much you wanna bet he doesn't last a day once he's out?" She said to Fusco who was perched on the top of her desk beside her.

"He thinks he's home free, but they're just getting him outta here to make sure he keeps his mouth shut. Permanently."

Carter shook her head, going to sit behind her desk and smiled as she saw Beecher walking in. Fusco scowled as he approached them, nodding his head curtly when Beecher said hello.

"Hello, Detective." He said smiling at Carter.

"Hello, Detective." She answered, smiling back.

"How's your case going? Is Davis talking?"

"Not a word. He won't say who he's working for despite us having him on tape. He's given us nothing. And he just walked out with his expensive attorney."

"Yeah I knew that guy looked familiar when I came in. Doesn't he work for Frazzano?"

She nodded.

"That could mean Facile's involved. The Italians never liked Manny. Him coming back might have rubbed them the wrong way."

"It's possible."

"What's your next move, Joss?"

"Fusco and I'll figure it out. Did you come to ask me about my case?"

"Actually I wanted to know if you'd given my offer any further thought."

"Actually I have." She shuffled some files around her desk but didn't meet his eyes. Truthfully she had given it some thought. But for two days she kept thinking about her hands on John's face and how it felt so natural with him being that close to her.

"And what have you decided?"

"Nothing definite yet, Cal. I'm sorry. I promise I'll let you know by the end of the week."

"Just five short days away, Joss

"I'm aware of that." She said sweetly.

"How bout we grab some lunch?"

She glanced at her watch, not even realizing it was so late in the day.

"Sure. Just give me a few minutes to finish up this paperwork."

* * *

Three days. It had been three days Reese thought, that Carter had been in his bed, and in his house. He and Finch had been working on a new number and he'd been busy, but each spare moment he had, he thought of her.

He'd spoken to her briefly a few times to get information on his case and he was glad to hear that she'd completely gotten over her flu. Something he had said amused her and he was treated to the sound of her laugh on the phone. It stirred something inside him. Something he'd buried for a long time.

He wanted to see her. He wanted to finish whatever it was that was started in his kitchen.

"Lionel." He said without turning around.

"You seemed pretty deep in thought there Wonder Boy." Said Fusco. "Who you spying on tonight?" He asked looking in the direction of Reese's gaze. It was locked on a group of girls in a local pub who were having drinks and a really good time. "I see. I'm surprised though. They don't look your type."

"What do you want Lionel?"

"Beecher's been asking a lot of questions about the case with the dead Croats."

"Has he?"

"Yeah, been questioning Carter about it this afternoon."

"And what's she told him?"

"Nothing much. But there's nothing much to tell. Davis didn't give us anything."

"I'm sensing there's a 'but' somewhere Lionel." Reese said turning to him, waiting for him to respond.

"He could be working for the Italians. One of their attorneys came to bail him out on Monday."

"Facile?"

"That's what we think."

"I'll look into it."

"Oh I'm sure you will."

* * *

"So since you were the first person to scream tonight, I get to pick the pizza topping tomorrow." Said Taylor with a grin. Carter shook her head as they headed for her car.

"I don't know how you convinced me to see that movie Taylor. You know I hate horror flicks. I only went cause you had to see it. What's wrong with the other movie I suggested anyway?" She joked and he took the food tray from her.

"Thank you." She said as he opened the door for her and they stepped outside.

"Mom that other movie is ridiculous. Only old….."

"If you call me old, I'll kill you. I love you baby, but I'll kill you." She threw her arm around his shoulder and they walked towards the car.

Her cell phone rang just then and she picked up.

"Carter." She answered.

"Ignoring me, Detective?" Asked Reese on the other end.

"John…no. I….I was just in the middle of something. I didn't hear my phone ring. What's up?"

"I wanted to give you a heads up about something."

"Actually John….now's not a really good time. I'm kind of in the middle of something….stop it…." she whispered to Taylor who was pulling on her arm.

"You're on a date." He deduced by the sound of her sudden laughter.

"Well…..not exactly but….. Can I call you back?"

"Sure, Carter." He said before he hung up and she heard a trace of disappointment in his voice. Or was she imagining it? She wasn't sure.

"Everything alright mom?" Asked Taylor as she started the car. He watched as the knot between her eyebrows appeared.

"Of course Taylor, baby." She thought of Beecher's invitation again and the knot deepened. If she decided to go away with him she needed to know her son would be alright with it. "We've been on our own for a while and it hasn't been easy, but we've been okay right?"

"Yeah."

"I know growing up without a dad has had its challenges….."

"Let's not forget the fact that you're an amazing mom…."

"You _**know**_ I am an _**amazing**_ mom, you're right." They both laughed together. "And you know I love you so much, Taylor and I always put you first no matter what."

They were almost home now with just a few miles to go.

"What's going on? Should I be worried?"

"It's about Cal. You know we've been seeing each other for a while. And I really like him. How would you feel if we saw a little more of him in the future?"

Carter was on pins and needles waiting for him to answer. She guessed he was mulling it over in his mind trying to think of what to say. She didn't realize she was holding her breath till he finally spoke.

"How much more?"

"Well if things get serious in the next couple of weeks; a whole lot more. But you know it's always been me and you. You're the most important person in the world to me. I need to know if you'd be okay with that."

"Can I be honest?"

"Of course."

"He says the right things, seems to do the right things and I won't lie and say that I don't think he's interested, but…there's just something about him that seems….off."

"Like what?" They were at a red light and were just two blocks away from home. She turned to him in the seat next to her. Even in the darkness of the car she could see a similar knot in his forehead like the one she had earlier.

"I don't know. Maybe I'm imagining it. But look mom; honestly, I want you to be happy. You deserve it. If he makes you happy, then I guess its okay, I'll get over it."

She was proud of how mature he sounded, she was glad he wanted her to be happy. But she didn't discount the fact that he was uneasy about Cal and basically told her in a roundabout way that he really didn't like him.

They got home shortly afterwards and as they got inside, Taylor made a beeline for his room and his laptop.

"Don't stay on there too long." She shouted after him.

"I know." He called back.

She went into her bedroom and closed the door. She slipped out of her jeans and top and lay down on the top of the covers in her bra and panties. She rested her hands on her stomach and closed her eyes thinking of the last person she dated before Beecher.

Brian Sanders. He was tall, dark skinned and built like a line backer. She admitted to herself he was more of a booty call than a boyfriend. Taylor had never met him and she was glad. As interesting as he was, accomplished even, Carter hadn't seen him as a permanent fixture in her life or her son's. But he'd been a sweet diversion from sleepless nights and provided a good escape from an empty bed.

She missed the bliss of being made love to by someone you were in love with. Nothing topped that, nothing, she thought. And it had been too long. She missed being comfortable with someone so much that you could be yourself around them, flaws and all and still feel accepted, still feel special. She missed the feeling of being taken care of.

She smiled at the sudden image of John rubbing vapor rub on her chest. Days later and the very thought still hadn't ceased to make her smile and feel warm all over. And it was ridiculous that she was having these thoughts of him after all this time. But was it?

She _had_ felt taken care of. She _had_ felt special. But Reese was a protector by nature. They'd always had each other's backs, so her being sick was no different she guessed. Still their brief moment at his place was…interesting to say the least.

She wondered if he felt as affected by it as she was.

Knowing what she knew about Jessica she wondered if he was capable of feeling that type of love for anyone again.

Why was she even thinking about love? She thought. That was ludicrous.

* * *

**THE NEXT AFTERNOON**

Simmons swallowed hard, the whiskey burning the back of his throat as it went down. He sat near Quinn who waiting for him to speak. They were watching a news story on the recent homicides down in Washington Heights.

"Fusco hasn't been too forthcoming with information on the case so far. They arrested Davis, but he's not talking."

"And he won't." Said Quinn. "Facile will make sure of that."

"Is that right?"

"We should hear some progress on it in a few hours to be exact."

"Detective Carter might be onto who hired Davis and his friends to take out the Croats. She's checking out a tip that could lead straight to Facile."

"I'm not too worried about Carter. My source tells me she's got nothing really, just speculation. And if she gets too close, I'm sure our friend Elias would still like the opportunity to deal with her after his last attempt was thwarted."

"By the man in a suit. The knee capping guy."

Quinn nodded, getting up to pour himself another glass.

"I thought he was her personal guardian angel."

"Yeah. But even angels can't be everywhere at once. Besides Gabric's shipment should be in by the end of next week. Facile wants to relieve him of it, force him to bring in more product for him or retire permanently from the trade."

"And of course we get our cut."

"Yes we do my friend. Yes we do."

* * *

**6:30pm**

"Come here!" Said Carter grabbing the suspect by his shirt collar. He was about to break into his neighbour's apartment and rape her. Unfortunately, he encountered Reese who was waiting for him. His neighbor was one of Reese's numbers and he'd called Carter to take him into custody after he'd subdued him.

Reese watched from a distance as she read him his Miranda rights and smiled as she pushed him into the back seat of the squad car. He loved to watch her work. He loved working with her. He was glad that she was a part of the team. She was confident, fearless, she reminded him of himself when he saw her in action.

He gave her a nod as she closed the car door. Fusco was in the front seat and drove off to take him in for booking.

"Think she's gonna be okay?" Carter asked walked over to where he stood away from the scene and so many officers. She looked at the young girl standing near her front door being questioned by another officer.

"Eventually she will." He asked looking down at her.

"You never did tell me what you wanted to give me the heads up about the other night."

"You never called." He replied.

She smiled and shook her head. He was right. "So where you headed?" She asked, swearing inwardly because the question came out before she could stop it.

"Nowhere in particular, Carter." He said. He watched as an almost childlike look came across her face as if she was unsure she wanted to give voice to her thoughts. Her lips parted and she smiled almost shyly at him. He turned his head slowly, blinking so he wouldn't stare.

"Well it's Friday night….."

_Pizza night, he thought._

"….and Taylor and I normally have pizza on Friday nights. Would you like to hang out with us?"

"You've never invited me to your house before Carter." He said with a smirk.

"So you better answer fast before I come to my senses." She said laughing.

"What about Cal?" He asked.

"He's working tonight." She said quickly.

"Well in that case, I'd love to."

* * *

**7:00pm**

Carter called ahead to tell Taylor that company was coming over and to order three large pizzas, some hot wings and bread sticks.

"Three pizzas, Carter?"

"Yeah." She said looking at him out of the corner of her eye as she drove. "You look like a man with a healthy appetite, John. And besides, Taylor practically inhales those slices." She said laughing. "How do you feel about sausage as a topping? Taylor won a bet the other night so he got to pick the topping for one of the pizzas."

"Sausage is fine. What bet did he win?"

"Who would scream first when we watched a horror flick. We were at the movies the other night when you called."

Reese stared out the window as they neared the apartment.

"So he was your _date_."

"Yeah." She admitted noting the almost imperceptable nod of his head.

She and John walked up the steps to the apartment both of them aware that this was the first time she'd actually invited him in. It seemed like a big step and she pretended that she wasn't doing it because she'd been wanting to spend time with him since he'd taken her to his apartment. She pretended that she wasn't nervous about finding out how Taylor reacted to him. She pretended that it was nothing more than her offering him someplace to chill and have a bite to eat.

"Taylor." She called out and he came walking down the hallway cell phone in hand. "Say hello to…"

"John." He said remembering him as the man who'd rescued him when he'd been kidnapped. He seemed curious, but excited at the same time.

"Hello Taylor." Reese said. Carter invited him to sit in the living room and she took his coat hanging it in the closet along with hers in the hallway. She rolled up her shirt sleeves and kicked off her shoes to walk barefoot on the carpet.

She never knew John to be a man of many words, but he surprised her by keeping up a steady conversation the entire evening with her son who all of a sudden turned into a 'chatty Cathy' himself. He wanted to know where John learned to fight, how he learned to shoot a gun. Was he a soldier? He bombarded him with questions and she was grateful as he patiently answered them all.

He ate the pizza and wings and she was right about his appetite. He was just as bad as Taylor.

She stole glances at him, watched him move, the way he sat, moved his hands. And she knew that even though he talked with her and with Taylor, he was observing her too. It made her a little nervous him being so aware of her. It made her even more aware of him. She felt her body flush under his gaze as she got up to move the empty boxes to the kitchen. There was only a half a pizza left.

Video games were next and she stood against the wall of the entryway watching them play black ops, call of duty and other military games. Being that it was his field John did well, but Taylor gave him some stiff competition. John even let him win a few times. Upon his last victory, he jumped up laughing, and John turned to her winking.

She smiled back at him and walked over taking one of the controls from Taylor.

"Alright, John. Let's see what you really got. You might have beaten Taylor, but I don't think you can take me."

"We'll see about that, Joss." He said her name so softly that Taylor looked at the both of them for a brief moment, squinting, then smiling.

Their first game was neck and neck, so close, that he only beat her by a few points. The next game she won, but on the third, he came back with a vengeance. Just when it looked like he was about to score the winning point she knocked his controller out of his hand and took the win. Taylor shook his head and both he and Carter laughed.

"I'm going to my room mom."

"Aw….goodnight Taylor." He kissed her cheek and said goodnight to John, then walked down the hallway.

"You cheated." He said turning to her. She sat next to him on the couch and smiled.

"Only a little." She said leaning her head on the back of the sofa.

"Thanks for inviting me." He said quietly.

"You're welcome, John."

When she looked over at him she could see a conflicted look in his eyes. She felt the same. She wondered what he was doing here. What did she want right now? Her heart quickened as he put his hand up to rest on her face. Her chest rose and fell and she closed her eyes. she enjoyed the feel of his hand against her skin. It was the simplest of touches, she knew, but she loved it nonetheless. She felt him moving closer to her and when she opened her eyes; his face hovered just above hers.

"Joss…."

She tilted her head closer to him; his lips were almost on hers, almost touching when her phone rang.

She turned in the direction of the noise and let out a long breath. "I'm sorry." She walked over to the table near the door and picked it up.

"Cal." She said and listened as he spoke. She didn't hear John's footsteps behind her. "No Taylor and I already ate. We're fine…." She jumped as she felt John put his arms slowly around her waist and he pulled her flush against his chest. She felt a jolt of electricity run through her, shocking her so much, she gasped.

"You alright?" Beecher asked. John spun her round in his arms till she faced him and tilted her head upwards.

"I'll have to call you back, Cal." She hung up and John took the phone from her and placed it on the table. He ran his thumb across her bottom lip twice before he lowered his mouth onto hers capturing it between his own. His hand was in the back of her neck pulling her closer and she melted into him. He claimed her mouth slowly, expertly, passionately. He allowed her no air, no separation, no respite from his seeking lips. And when his tongue darted between her lips to touch hers she moaned softly and put her hand on the nape of his neck.

This was the passion she missed, the quickening of her breath, her heartbeat and her whole body responding to the fire being poured over it.

When he finally lifted his mouth from hers, she was breathless, almost dizzy and he smiled.

"Just like I imagined."


	5. Embers

_**A/N The reviews so far have been overwhelming. I'm glad everyone's enjoying the fic so far. Here's the latest installment, hope you enjoy. None of the characters or this show belong to me.**_

* * *

_"Just like I imagined._" He whispered before his lips touched hers again. She was so caught up, drowning in deep sensation that she barely realized he'd led them back to the couch and she sat straddled on his lap.

His hands travelled slowly down her back, down her thighs and along the bottom of her feet. Then they found their way to the sides of her face and he cupped her cheeks. He ran his tongue along her top lip, tasting it, dipping it in and out, then pulling it into his own once more. She couldn't remember the last time she felt thoroughly taken like this. Her entire body was responding to his and he was only kissing her.

He looked at her with desire filled eyes, but there was something more there, something so intense it caused her to come to her senses about what was going on.

She pulled herself out of his embrace and shakily got up. Her legs were weak, her whole body still open to him, but she walked away and out of his reach.

"What's wrong, Joss?" He asked.

"I can't do this, John. I can't."

He nodded, walking towards her. "I know, Taylor."

She shook her head again, backing away from him. "It's not just that. I'm with Cal. We're in a relationship, John. And I…. I can't do this to him. I don't know how this happened. I just…"

She thought of Cal, then and hated herself at this moment.

"Believe me, Joss, I didn't plan this." And in truth he didn't, but he wouldn't deny that it wasn't what he wanted. Still he wanted so badly to put her at ease. He saw the frown come over her face, the wrinkle between her brow that formed when she was upset and he wanted nothing more than to wipe it away.

"I'm sorry. It won't happen again, not unless you want it to." He fought the overwhelming urge to hold her, kiss her again and got his jacket out of the coat closet.

"Goodnight, Carter." He said. She watched him leave, watched the door shut behind him and walked over to the couch to sit down. She slowly put her fingers to her mouth closing her eyes, remembering the feel of his mouth on hers.

She remembered him calling her name. It sounded so sensual on his lips. So personal, so intimate.

He'd said that he'd imagined kissing her. How long had he thought about it, she wondered. John was so good at hiding his emotions sometimes, she wasn't surprised that she'd never picked up on it. But then again she hadn't known or better yet didn't want to admit that she had been as curious about him as he probably was about her.

It was not lost on her that right before he left, he'd called her Carter once more. She was bothered by it and she couldn't properly explain why.

* * *

**THE NEXT AFTERNOON**

"Hey Fusco." Said Carter walking over to her desk. She sat down and drank some of the coffee she'd picked up earlier. "You want a bagel?" She offered holding up the bag she brought.

"Jason Davis has disappeared Carter." He said, taking one from her.

"What do you mean disappeared?"

"He's not at his home, and he hasn't been to any one of the usual spots since he got bailed out."

"Think he's on the run?"

"Could be, but one of my C.I.'s told me that they saw Beecher hanging around his place last night."

She looked up at him slowly. "Beecher? Is your informant sure about this?"

"He is. Says he was there almost an hour waiting. But he never got out of the car. He did spend a substantial amount of time on his phone."

She knew he was working a new case, but it seemed too coincidental that he'd been asking her about Davis just a few days ago and now he was missing.

"Where's your informant now? We need to talk to him."

"He's watching the place for me. I told him I'd get back to him tomorrow."

"Let me know what he says when you do."

Carter wondered at Cal's involvement in the case. It left a sour taste in her mouth and she felt uneasy. She never felt uncomfortable talking to him about her cases when he asked, but now it seemed like he might have been using her for information.

She picked up her cell to call him, but got no answer. After trying him a few more times, without a response, she left him a text message.

* * *

**6:00pm**

Reese stood across the street watching Jason Davis' apartment. He'd been following Beecher and he'd been led straight here. He'd been there for fifteen minutes and hadn't gotten out of his SUV.

Reese got out his camera and snapped a few shots of him as he waited.

His mind went to Carter and what had happened at her place. He wasn't lying to her when he said it wasn't his plan to make a move on her that night. For one, her invitation to join her and Taylor for dinner was an impromptu one and he'd been happy that he'd finally been invited into her home and two, her son was just down the hallway and he didn't want to compromise her with Taylor in the house. And lastly he had wanted to take his time with her. He had no intention of rushing.

But he'd enjoyed it. He enjoyed the feel of her against him. She was normally hard while she worked, tough, resilient. She'd shown him glimpses into her softer side on occasion, and he guessed those glimpses are what drew him in over time, but the other night she'd opened up to him in a different way. They'd opened up to each other. And he liked what he saw, what he felt.

He knew from her responses that she felt the same way too. But before she pulled away he recognized fear behind her eyes. She didn't pull away because of Beecher. He was almost sure of it.

If he truly admitted it to himself, the thought of being with someone after Jessica frightened him in a way he couldn't explain. He'd put the idea totally out of his mind and focused on the numbers. It was how he got by. It was his purpose. But somehow, he didn't know how, she'd gotten past his wall. And now that she'd penetrated it, he didn't want to lose that.

But he intended to keep his promise, it wouldn't happen again, unless she wanted to.

Jason Davis pulled up just then. He seemed paranoid and looked around frantically before he entered his apartment. He was there no more than five minutes when Beecher got out and followed him inside.

Reese crossed the street quickly. His intention wasn't to interfere but to watch.

"Finch, Beecher just went into Jason Davis' apartment. Get me audio on his phone."

"It seems he's using a burner phone Mr. Reese. Can you get close enough to clone the new one?"

"Not without being seen. Wait a minute…." He turned his head quickly as he heard two shots fired, and then another three and Cal came out running with his pistol drawn. He quickly got into his car and Reese watched as he sped away.

He ran inside quickly, his Glock out, and he looked around. He sighed as he came up on Jason David's lifeless body, with two bullet wounds to the chest.

"Mr. Reese what happened? Asked Finch. "Are you alright?"

"I'm okay Finch. But Jason Davis isn't. He's dead."

"Beecher killed him?"

"That's what it looks like." He got back into his car feeling a sense of dread. He'd definitely have to tell Carter what was going on.

* * *

Carter sat down at a booth in Lyric Café looking at the menu. She was waiting for Cal and he'd invited her for lunch. It felt weird to be meeting him here. She always thought of this place as her and John's spot. They always met there to discuss cases. They sometimes had coffee, and even though the conversations didn't involve a lot of personal chatter, she enjoyed them. This place was associated with him in her mind. And it made her think of him once again.

How'd she let that happen?

Beecher had been dependable, available, not scarred from experiences in his past. Not like John who still wasn't over Jessica, and who carried his guilt around wearing it on his sleeve. She never believed for a second that he was ready to move on. She needed somebody stable in her life and her son's life.

Taylor, in the short space of time last night had seemed to idolize John. The both of them seemed so at ease in each other's company. She knew how easy it was for John to adapt to whatever situation he was in, and she wondered just how authentic his actions were around Taylor. But then again, she never felt like he ever pretended around her.

She felt frustrated. One kiss from that man, one breathtaking kiss from that man and she couldn't think straight.

She looked up as she saw Cal walking towards the table. He bent down to kiss her on the mouth but she turned her head so his lips connected to her cheek.

"What's the matter baby?" He asked.

"Why were you tailing Jason Davis Cal?"

He was taken aback at her question. "Who told you I was?"

"An informant. I feel a little suspicious of you asking questions about him and then find out you were tailing him."

"Hey you've gotten my help on cases before without clueing me in remember? I never had a problem with it."

"The difference is Cal, I told you upfront that I needed the information and explained why I couldn't tell you. I didn't ask you anything and then went and used that information behind your back. I need to know that I can trust you. I need to know that you won't use me like that."

He reached across the table to hold her hand.

"I'm sorry Joss. I should have told you, but this new case I'm working on is heating up and Davis could be related to it. I'm playing this one close to the vest."

"Why were you following him?"

"All that I can tell you is that he's related to this undercover case I'm working on. I can't say more, I'm sorry. But you can trust me, Joss. Please believe that."

The server came over then to take their order and left.

"Have you decided about the weekend trip yet?"

"The end of the week is tomorrow. I still got one more day." She said.

"One more day, Joss. There's no more running away. It's time."

He squeezed her hand and she managed a smile, but her thoughts were elsewhere.

* * *

As soon as she got back to the precinct she headed for her desk, but Fusco stopped her.

"Bad news, Carter."

"What's going on Fusco?"

"Jason Davis was just found dead. Two bullets to the chest." They headed outside together.

"What? When did it happen?"

"Maybe two hours ago. Somebody just called it in."

* * *

She and Fusco hadn't been on the scene more than ten minutes when she glanced John there wearing a CSU jacket and carrying an evidence case in his hand. He locked eyes with her and motioned her to meet him outside.

"Fusco I'll be back in a minute." She said and slipped outside. She walked across the street to where John went on the side of a building.

"Are you out of your mind, John? What are you doing at this crime scene? Please tell me you didn't' have something to do with this." She said shutting her eyes.

Reese watched as her expression changed from exasperation to frustration, then self awareness when he didn't speak right away.

"Carter, you know me better than that. I didn't have anything to do with it."

"What are you doing here? Are you following me?"

"I was following Davis."

"You tracking my case?" She watched the expression on his face change and he pressed his lips together. "What's going on John? Tell me."

"Beecher was here earlier. Right before Davis was killed."

"What are you talking about?" She said.

"I'm saying Detective, that you need to be careful. I don't trust him. And I don't think you should either."

Warning bells went off in her head to hear that Cal was here at the time Jason Davis was killed, but he'd just told her over lunch that he could be connected to his current case. He'd just asked her to trust him. She didn't want to believe that things were the way John was painting them right now.

"What's this really about, John? This wouldn't have anything to do with last night would it?" Carter knew the accusation came out of left field and she wanted to take it back almost as quickly as she said it.

Reese knew she felt awkward. He felt it as soon as she'd approached him a few minutes ago. He knew she trusted him, but their kiss had complicated things in a way he hadn't anticipated or wanted.

It didn't help him either that the sun was about to set and its light cast a warm glow on her skin. It looked almost like copper set on fire. Her hair framed her face in just the right way and her lips….they looked especially full right now.

He walked closer to her staring down into her face.

"John…." He watched as her tongue glided over her bottom lip and she closed her eyes for a minute, as if she was trying to gather her thoughts. "This is….."

"…unnecessarily awkward." He finished for her and she smiled. He was relieved to see the round apples of her cheeks finally appear and he nodded his head. "Look, Carter I just want you to keep your eyes open."

"Especially around him right? I know you mean well, John….."

"Don't you trust me, Carter?"

"You know I do, John, with my life." She professed looking him in the eye. Her voice was soft and genuine. "But unless he's given me a good reason not to, I have to trust him."

"Fair enough." He said and walked away. She called after him, but he didn't turn around.

* * *

The pavement sounded as the basketball hit it over and over again. Beecher continued to bounce it, throwing it in the basket every now and again. The court was dark save for a street light casting a beacon of light in his direction.

He'd been waiting for Manny for the last half hour. He was supposed to be meeting Joss at her place but he'd had to postpone that because Manny needed to see him. And now he was late. He took a shot of the ball again, this time it circled the rim twice before going in.

"Not bad Detective." He turned round at the sound of footsteps and Manny's voice behind him.

"Where the hell have you been? You know how long I been waiting?"

"Relax, my friend. I had business to take care of out of town, I'm just getting back."

"Where you been?"

"To see a friend in Maryland."

"What about the shipment?" He asked bouncing the ball.

"It's still on time. I'll need you to be there to make sure it all goes smoothly. I've got a guy who tells me Facile wants in on the deal. He wants to see me. Have a sit down."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"I'm considering a meeting. I haven't decided yet."

"The shipment's coming in less than two weeks; you don't have a lot of time to think about it." He said.

"You don't think I know that?"

"You'll be happy to know Jason Davis has been dealt with."

"When?"

"Earlier today. I told you I'd handle it. Now we just need to figure out who the other guys were who were with him."

"You won't find them. They're probably either long gone or dead somewhere waiting to be found. I am positive they were working for Facile. And I know what he wants but he won't get it. I just need to know you got my back." Asked Manny.

"You know I do, Manny. I got you."

* * *

Carter got home from work shortly after 9pm. The first thing she did was run herself a hot bath and added some jasmine oil to the water. Taylor was at her mom's for the night and wouldn't be home till the following afternoon.

She'd gotten a call from Cal saying that he'd be late coming over and she honestly looked forward to having a little quiet time to herself. She got undressed and made her way to the bathroom, slipping under the hot water and rested her head on the edge of the tub. The heat felt good against her skin and she sat there for a while, eyes closed, just relaxing.

Tomorrow was Sunday. The end of the week. And it was also decision day. She'd told Cal she'd let him know what she decided by Sunday. But honestly she hadn't given it much thought. When she had thought of it, she still wasn't 100% sure she wanted to go.

This weekend wasn't about going on a vacation. It was about the next step in her relationship with him. She knew he couldn't be put off for much longer. And he didn't deserve it either. If she wasn't interested she should let him go so he could meet someone who felt the same way about him.

She liked him. Really really liked him. She truly cared about him and he'd done nothing but treat her well. He'd opened up to her about himself. With him, she felt she could be safe, secure, and comfortable.

Thinking about him in that way made him sound like a worn out blanket, she thought. Not a vibrant, handsome, dependable man.

After bathing and drying off, she slipped into a warm cotton robe, grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat down in front of the TV.

She twisted the cap off and took a drink. An hour and two beers later she switched the channel feeling agitated. She felt curious. She needed answers, and there was only one way to get them.

She picked up her cell phone, dialing a number for reasons only God knew why. After the second ring she was about to hang up, her heart hammered in her chest.

"What's on your mind, Carter?" asked Reese practically purring in the phone. His voice was deeper than usual. He sounded relaxed, like he was in bed. She pictured him lying on his stomach, smelling like soap, not fully dressed then pushed the thought from her mind.

She couldn't speak right away and for a minute she was silent.

"Is everything okay, Joss?" He said her name again and she couldn't stop the smile that crossed her lips. His concern for her always endeared her to him.

"Everything's fine, John."

"Then what is it?" He asked gently.

"I just…you said…you said it was just like you imagined it." she lay down on the couch tilting her head back and closed her eyes.

Now it was Reese's turn to smile. She was curious, he thought. Not only was she curious, but she actually called him to talk about it.

"You want to know how I imagined it would be?"

She couldn't believe it and she wondered if it was his voice, the beers or both, but she felt heated and she was blushing. "Yes. Tell me."

"I imagined you would be soft. I imagined you would taste sweet. And I imagined that we'd fit together like two pieces of a puzzle."

Carter felt something ignite inside her. It was the fire, in the pit of her stomach threatening to consume her again. She put her hand on her tummy.

"Are you there?" he asked even though he could hear her breathing.

"I'm here." She answered.

Moments ticked by, the silence was thick with their thoughts, images conjured up, hearts racing, anticipation building. She felt a pull towards him even through the phone.

"I want you, Joss." He said finally. "For longer than I realized. I want to hold you, be there for you."

"…..John…"

"But I won't make a move…..not until you're ready. I'll wait for you."

"I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. That's what you needed to hear. That's why you called."

He was right. It had been in the back of her mind all day. From the moment she got up this morning till she dialed is number. It's what she needed to hear.

"Goodnight, Joss." He said and hung up.

She sat up on the couch again and reached for the beer bottle, emptying it with one last drink.

Her phone rang and she picked it up checking the caller ID.

'**Cal Beecher'** it said.

She looked at it a while, picked up the two bottles and took them in the kitchen tossing them in the trash. She walked the hallway to her bedroom, the sound of the phone still shrilling in her ears.


	6. The Waiting Game

_**A/N Sorry for the long wait for an update to this one guys. I have 3 fics going right now and I've been trying to keep all of them current. Good news is one of them is just about done so I'll be able to give this one more attention. Hope you Enjoy. Usual disclaimer: I don't own POI or its characters.**_

* * *

**_"I want you, Joss…"_**

**_"I want you, Joss…..Joss…."_**

Her cell phone was ringing. She woke with a start. Not wanting to be bothered she cut off the call without looking to see who it was.

It rang a few more times, then thankfully it stopped.

She turned over in the bed putting the covers over her head, ready to settle into a deeper sleep but her land line started to ring. She sat upright in bed, feeling annoyed.

"Ugh!" She checked the caller I.D. and saw that it was Fusco.a

"Hello." She growled into the phone.

"Well hello. Why aren't you answering your phone, I been trying to call you."

"Today is my day off Fusco; I was trying to get some sleep."

"Well you're gonna have to put your beauty rest on hold. I just got an anonymous tip on our friend Manny Gabric."

She moved the covers and got out of bed, opening the closet to get some clothes out.

"What about him?

"He's meeting with Don Facile today. On neutral ground. Should be interesting."

"Yeah. Okay let me get dressed."

Thirty minutes later she and Fusco were in front of an old warehouse in Queens, but so far, there was no sign of Manny or Facile. From what they were told the meeting was supposed to take place two buildings away.

"Are you sure this source is reliable? We've been here for ten minutes and I don't see anyone."

She still felt cranky from having been woken up from sleep and had a slight headache.

Fusco scowled, shaking his head but didn't answer. He picked up the binoculars on the seat in the middle of them and looked in the direction of two cars arriving within seconds of each other. He gave an 'I told you so' look at Carter then back as the two cars parked and the passengers came out; Don Facile and Manny Gabric.

"What do you suppose they're talking about?" Fusco asked.

"I don't know but I don't feel like guessing." Carter fished around in the small black duffel bag she brought and took out a long range microphone attaching it to the hood of their Impala and she and Fusco listened.

The shipment Manny was expecting was coming in little over a week's time and Facile made him an offer. He could either share the profits of whatever he was importing or he had to leave town. He had 24 hours to decide.

A heated argument ensued between the two men and soon after the other occupants of the car emerged. Carter's heart temporarily skipped a beat when Beecher came out the front seat, gun drawn standing next to Manny.

Fusco turned his head slowly in her direction and she looked at him, not knowing what to think. Things could get really bad very quickly.

"_Everybody just relax. This doesn't need to escalate into something ugly." Said Facile, motioning to his men to lower their guns. Manny indicated that Beecher should do the same._

"_It has already escalated. You sent someone to rob me. You killed two of my men."_

"_And what about Jason Davis, did he pump two bullets into his own chest?"_

"_Do you think after what you did, that I would do business with you? Pretend that nothing has happened?"_

"_I think you'll make the right decision Manny, for everyone involved." Said Facile and backed away going back in his car. Beecher and Gabric stayed behind watching them pull off._

"_What are you gonna do Manny? I know that look….."_

"_We'll have to move the shipment date up to the coming weekend." They both walked back to the car and got in. "And you're gonna help me take care of Facile."_

* * *

Carter got back to the precinct and made a beeline for her desk. Her headache was worse and she was more annoyed than before. She had to endure Fusco's questions and suspicions about Beecher the entire ride back to the station. But she couldn't fault him for it. She had suspicions of her own and they seemed to be growing every day.

Tonight was the night when she was supposed to be telling Beecher whether or not she had plans to go with him on that weekend trip. Based on what happened over the last few days, she felt they needed distance more than anything.

She sat down at her desk and noticed a package on it. She opened it up finding a plastic cup in a large Ziploc storage bag. The thought of Reese sneaking in to drop something off at her desk made her smile. Everyone was looking for him, but somehow whenever he had to, he always managed to sneak in and out without being detected. And he'd never tell her how.

She picked up her phone, dialing his number.

"Hello, Detective."

"I can't believe you did it again, John. Are you ever going to tell me how you get to my desk without people noticing?"

"I told you last time, Carter, it's a trade secret." She could hear traffic in the background and his footsteps walking on pavement.

"What do you need? I assume you want a name to go with these fingerprints."

"They belong to a guy I got into an altercation with this morning. I need a last known address while you're at it."

"And what do you plan to do to him if I get you this address?" She asked."

"I promise you, the only thing we'll do is talk." She could hear his smile through the phone.

"I'm sure it is." She said and hung up.

She picked up the bag to get the prints run through IAFIS and shook her head putting her phone back into her pocket.

"That from Wonder Boy?" He said pointing to the package.

"Yeah, he wants some fingerprints checked out."

Fusco nodded his head and watched as she disappeared down the hallway. He dialed Reese's number listening as it rang.

"What is it Lionel?"

"It's about Beecher. Looks like he's into something deep."

"What's he been up to?"

"Carter and I just witnessed a meeting between Manny Gabric and Don Facile. Beecher just happened to be there too."

"Is Facile looking to get into business with the Croats?"

"That's what it sounds like, but Gabric isn't too keen on having any new business partners. Looks like Beecher is acting as some muscle for Manny. He could be undercover but the whole situation stinks in my opinion. I don't know if he can be trusted at this point."

"And Carter?"

"She hasn't said anything, but….frankly I think she's uncomfortable with the situation too."

"Alright Lionel. Finch and I will keep an eye on Beecher and see what we can find out about Manny."

* * *

Finch looked up from the computer screen as he heard footsteps approaching. Shortly afterward Reese came through the door, a pastry box in his right hand. Finch eyed the box as Reese put it down and took off his coat.

"No croquillant today, sorry. You have anything on Manny yet, Finch?" He asked sitting next to him.

"Yes. He's been with Detective Beecher for about an hour and a half now."

Reese leaned forward listening to the audio playing. Right now the only thing going on was small talk. "Please tell me they were talking about something more interesting than this, Finch."

"As a matter of fact, I've learned that the shipment that was supposed to arrive next week is coming in a matter of days. Gabric is still waiting for confirmation from his supplier but they're trying to get a heads up over Facile."

"Trying to stay ahead of the game."

"Trying to and planning a move on Facile while they're at it. Shortly after the shipment's come in, he's enlisted Beecher's help in taking out the Don."

With this new information Reese grew increasingly uncomfortable with Beecher being around Carter. The implication of his involvement in Jason Davis' murder along with his possible role in another high profile one made Reese all the more interested in getting Carter away from him.

"I talked to Fusco today and he told me Beecher was there when Gabric met with Facile earlier. He doesn't trust Beecher. And I hate to say it but neither do I."

"Well it's a rare thing when you and Detective Fusco agree on anything."

"Stranger things have happened Finch."

"Is everything all right Mr. Reese?" he asked as he watched Reese's lips purse together and his face turned to stone.

"Finch the fallout of a war between Manny and the Italians could bring a lot of collateral damage. If Beecher gets his hands dirty, it could affect Carter too, and Taylor. I won't let that happen."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Whatever I have to, to keep her safe."

His cell phone rang and he answered tapping his ear piece.

"Carter." He said looking at Finch.

"I got a name for you. Dante Garcia."

"And the address?" Reese sensed her hesitation as she went silent on the other end of the line. "What's the matter Carter?"

"Last known address was in Queens…."

* * *

Carter walked out of the precinct about to head home. It was early afternoon and she still had enough time to go home, relax and enjoy the rest of her day off. She walked down the front steps outside when she heard her name called. She spun round to see Cal heading in her direction.

"Joss…..what are you doing here? I thought you were off."

"I was. I am. Fusco needed my help with something. I'm heading home now." She continued walking to her car and he walked alongside her.

"I tried calling you last night. Where were you?"

"I'm sorry about that. I was at home, but I went to bed early. I've been kinda tired lately."

"Well I'm getting off early this evening. I cleared my schedule. I wanna see you tonight."

Carter's mood grew contemplative and it showed on her face. She cocked her head to the side looking at him.

"Something wrong Joss?" He said, holding her hand. She looked down at it, feeling almost like she'd been burned.

"Look Cal, we have a few things to talk about. So…..yeah, we definitely need to see each other later. Right now I'm going home to get some rest.

"Everything alright?" He asked, his eyes narrowed.

"They will be."

* * *

Carter took two aspirin and lay down to sleep. She woke up two hours later feeling rested and her headache was gone. She did however have a lot to contemplate after everything that happened today concerning Cal.

She figured she could do one of two things. She could either put some distance between them or she could continue to see him and figure out what the hell he was involved in. The latter required her lying to him and she felt uneasy about that, but she also felt uneasy with how much his case seemed to be intersecting with her homicide.

She knew if she did continue to see him, she'd have to accept his invitation to go on that trip. He was expecting an answer tonight, and she knew he wouldn't be put off any longer.

Her mind went to the conversation she and John had a few days ago when he'd voiced his suspicions of Cal and what he'd seen.

"_Don't you trust me, Carter?"_

"_You know I do, John, with my life." She professed looking him in the eye. Her voice was soft and genuine. "But unless he's given me a good reason not to, I have to trust him."_

"_Fair enough."_

Now she felt Cal had given her a reason. She didn't know why but she felt a mixture of disappointment and relief, a feeling that she'd been let off the hook, but guilt that she'd almost wanted it to happen.

Nevertheless she had to see this through.

She picked up her cell phone dialing Finch's number. He picked up almost immediately.

"Yes, Detective?" He answered.

"Finch, I was wondering if you could do me a favour."

"What do you need?"

"I need to get eyes and ears on someone. And if it's not too much to ask…I need to keep this between me and you. So that means you don't breathe a word of this to our mutual friend. Okay?"

"You have my word, Detective."

* * *

"Meet me at our usual spot, Carter.

"The café?"

"Not that one."

"The pier?"

"No. not that one, either." Carter smirked on the other end of the line. "It just occurred to me that we might have more than one spot." Said Reese. "Meet me at the bar."

"Okay I'll be there soon."

That was a half an hour ago. When she finally got there she met him sitting at the bar sipping on a beer. He saved a spot on the bar stool right next to him and he had a drink waiting for her. She sat beside him, wordlessly and took a sip of her drink.

"Suppose I was on duty?" She teased.

"Well I know you're not, you're off tonight." She looked at him sideways not even surprised anymore when he seemed to know the minutest details about her. The day had started off all wrong, nothing like she'd planned, but when he called and given the simple invitation to join him she was glad.

They sat together in silence for a few minutes which was something she always liked about him. He knew when to be quiet and just be still. He knew when to wait till she was ready to talk. She knew he was supposed to be looking for Dante Garcia, but for some reason he was here at the bar, waiting for her.

"What happened to Garcia?"

"Struck out. He's nowhere to be found. Finch is searching for leads on where he could have disappeared to."

"Let me know if you need anything." She said before sipping her drink again.

"Likewise." She turned to him then, wondering what he knew. She wondered what Finch might have told him then shook her head. She'd always been able to trust Finch, and John. This whole situation was messing with her thinking.

"So why'd you drag me down here? What's going on? You need something?"

_Only you,_ he thought. He shook his head but the way she was looking at him, Reese almost believed she could read his mind.

"Just wanted to buy you a drink, Carter."

Her eyes dropped to his mouth and she could have kicked herself for doing it. Unconsciously her mouth opened and she ran her tongue across her bottom lip. His words echoed in her mind.

"_**I want you, Joss." **_

He wanted her. It was in the air between them. The words couldn't be taken back. He'd made his desires known. The ball was in her court. He said he'd wait but for how long?

Did she want him?

She sure as hell did.

But wanting was not the problem.

The problem was how complicated things could become for them if things didn't work out. What did he say to her the first time they had a face to face meeting? Once you go down a road, there's no turning back.

Yes things could be complicated. But they could also be so simple. She knew John. She knew he'd never lie to her. She knew he'd always be upfront with her. She knew he'd always have her back.

He said he wanted to be there for her.

That one kiss they shared made her feel more alive than she'd ever felt with Cal.

So what was holding her back?

The time passed by quickly and before she knew it over an hour had passed as she sat there having drinks and spending time with him. He took her home and when they pulled up to her doorstep, she had the crazy idea of asking him in. Taylor would be home by now so she couldn't. One dinner spent at her house was fine, but she didn't want him seeing too many men come and go in their home.

It was dark and the street lights were on. Half of his face was shrouded in darkness and she couldn't help but think that he was made for the shadows.

His presence in the car, his voice, the way he dealt with her, looked after her, she realized that she wanted him too.

She smiled and shook her head. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to so badly. But knowing what she was planning, what she asked Finch to do; she wondered if it was a good idea.

She smiled a little, and hesitated getting out of the car.

"Listen, Carter. There's something I need to tell you about Beecher…."

"Is it about Jason Davis again?"

"That's a part of it. But something big is about to happen with him and Manny and the Don. I don't want you to get involved. Just let me take care of it."

"Unh uh John…...I'm a cop and this is my case. I'm seeing this through till the end."

"I don't want you to putting your life in danger whe…"

"My life is always going to be in danger, John."

He shook his head at her stubbornness.

"You never back down when things get hot, how can you expect me to?" she asked him quietly.

"Will you at least let Taylor stay with your mom until this blows over?"

She nodded her head. "I will." She was so touched by his concern for her son; she impulsively put her hand on his cheek. She reached out with her other hand and gripped the lapel of his coat and firmly pulled him toward her.

Carter touched her lips to his softly at first, then passionately, almost as if she was taking strength from him for what she was about to do. She wrapped her arms around his neck and moaned a little at the feel of his arms as they encircled her waist. He pulled her closer, deepening this kiss, loving the feel of her lips on his.

Her hands moved under his coat and undid the buttons of his jacket so she could slide her hands underneath it. He felt his desire building as she flicked her tongue against his. His fingers moved along the back of her neck and he could feel her start to shiver.

Their lips parted finally, her forehead rested against his, desire gripped the both of them.

"I want you too, John." She said quietly.

"Joss…"

"I just need you to wait for me. I have to finish this." She pressed her lips onto his again. "Just wait for me. Please."

She didn't linger for an answer. She got out of the car and walked up the steps to her apartment unaware that Beecher had just pulled up in time to see her get out right before Reese pulled off.


	7. Game Changer

Carter had barely gotten inside when there was an insistent knock on her front door. She loosed the snap on her holster at her waist and walked slowly to the front door with her hand on her gun. She moved it when she saw that it was Cal waiting for her to open the door.

"Cal." She said as he pushed past her and walked inside the living room. "Well hello to you too." She said closing the door and walking behind him. "What's going on?" The look on his face told her that he was pissed and she wondered why.

"You tell me, Joss. I couldn't reach you last night, you tell me you were sleeping and tonight I see you jumping out of some other guy's car."

Carter didn't realize he'd seen her and John together. He hadn't mentioned the kiss so she assumed he hadn't witnessed that. She kept her expression neutral as she prepared to lie. "Cal, come on. Are you seriously accusing me of going out with someone else?"

"Who is he?"

"He's an old friend of mine, Cal and I don't think I like your tone."

"What's his name?"

"Are we really doing this?"

"How come I've never met him?"

"I don't think I'm acquainted with every friend of yours. Is this how it's gonna be Cal? Do I need to make a list of every friend and family member and present them to you for your approval?"

"What do you expect me to think Joss? Things haven't exactly been all roses between us lately and you still don't seem to want take the next step with me…."

"Cal things haven't been 'roses' as you put it between us because of work, you know that. And yes I was reluctant to take the next step with you because I have to factor Taylor into every major decision I make, so excuse me for not wanting to jump into bed with you. I had planned on telling you that I was going to accept your invitation to take the trip with you but now I'm not so sure."

She watched as his face changed from slight anger and frustration to regret for going off on her like he just did.

"I'm sorry. It's just that….look I've never seen this guy before and…I really care about you. I see a future with you, Joss. And I guess I didn't want someone else moving in on you when I feel like we could have a real chance."

He walked toward her then, holding her hand and leaned in to kiss her. "So we're taking the trip? Together? You and me?" He said smiling.

"Yeah." She said as he hugged her. She knew John and Finch listened to her conversations from time to time. She hoped to God after what happened between her and John tonight, he wasn't listening to this one.

Thankfully Taylor came home a few minutes later and she could use the excuse of having to fix him dinner and help him with his homework.

She pretended that everything was fine and made conversation with Cal over dinner, even spent the rest of the night snuggled in his arms on the sofa while they watched a game on TV all while she pictured herself next to John and being held in his arms instead.

* * *

TWO DAYS LATER

Carter stood by the pier, with her hands in her pockets looking out at the water. Her collar was pulled up on her coat and though it was bulky and wool lined on the inside she shivered at the cold in the air. The weather had changed unexpectedly over the last two days and it was supposed to get even worse.

She took a deep breath, and looked around. The area was pretty much deserted especially since it was starting to get dark. She wondered if he was still going to show up and then she heard it; the uneven gait of someone with a limp. She glanced him from the side of her eye as he came to stand beside her holding out a covered cup of coffee to her which she accepted gratefully.

"Detective."

"Finch." She took a drink from the cup, loving the feel of the hot beverage as it went down, doing a little to warm her a bit. "I thought you changed your mind there for a second."

"I'm wondering if it's a good idea to keep John in the dark about this."

"I need to handle this alone, Finch. Besides, Cal saw John the other night when he brought me home. I don't think he'd keep believing my story about him just being an old friend if he sees him around even more."

"So you think he still trusts you?"

"He does. Especially since I agreed to take that trip with him this weekend."

Finch turned to look at her and she could tell he wasn't 100% comfortable with what she planned to do.

"What do you have for me?"

"The shipment of drugs is coming in the day after tomorrow, sometime around 11pm. It's taking place at The Port of New York and New Jersey. Manny plans to make the exchange and he and Beecher are supposed to go looking for Facile shortly afterwards."

Carter shook her head while she listened to details of everything Finch heard. She thought she knew Cal. She thought she knew what kind of man he was. She couldn't believe she'd been such a poor judge of character. She remembered the things he'd said about a future between the two of them. How could he have expected things to go further when he was a crooked cop? She didn't want a man like that in her life, her son's life.

"You are keeping copies of the audio tapes right? Cause I'll need them for evidence afterwards."

"I have them Detective."

"Thanks, Finch.

"Detective, I don't question your capabilities as an officer, I'm well aware that you are good at what you do. But I feel incredibly uneasy about you taking all of this on by yourself."

"Fusco will be with me."

"I know that Fusco is capable as well, but this….this is too much for you to do alone."

"Finch….."

"It's not only Manny you're dealing with. It's also the Italians, Beecher and whoever Manny is getting the drugs from. Please tell John about it, and let him help you."

"I'll think about it." She said offering a smile. "I have to go take Taylor to my mom's. Thank you, Finch."

Finch stared at her as she walked away and took a sip of his coffee. He turned to go back to the library and ran straight into Reese.

"Mr. Reese."

"Having a secret meeting with Carter without me, Finch? What's going on?"

* * *

**The Machine**

AUDIO INTERCEPT: 917-XXX-XXXX XXX-XXX 5462

PASSIVE CELL MONITOR

CONVERSATION ANALYSIS…..

NLP RUNNING…..

NAMES RECOGNIZED: Elias, Manny Gabric, Facile

_Anthony Marconi AKA Scarface: "…they're bringing in the shipment earlier than expected. It was supposed to be day after tomorrow, but they've moved it up to tomorrow night instead."_

"_Gabric?"_

"_Yeah, Elias isn't too keen having the Croats bringing in product without his permission. We plan to crash the party. Have your men ready."_

"_What about Facile?"_

"_We'll deal with him too."_

* * *

"I want you to stay at grandma's till I finish this case."

"Something's not right mom. I don't like that look on your face. You're starting to worry me."

She mustered up a smile to give him as he finished packing his suitcase and they walked outside together.

"Now Taylor baby remember we had this conversation before. I told you I can take care of myself, but I just need to know that you are okay. Can't be out there working and worrying about you at the same time. Besides you know whenever I'm working something big I always let you stay over at grandma's."

They got into her Impala and she started the drive over to her mom's house in Brooklyn.

"Yeah. But this time something feels different. You don't even want me to go to school tomorrow. You never ask me to miss school on purpose so this time it _**has**_ to be bad."

"It's nothing that I can't take care of."

"Maybe you should ask John for help." He averted his eyes at her expression. "I'm just saying he is a bad ass."

"Watch your mouth please? Thank you. Don't worry about me. As long as you're okay, I'll be okay."

"Alright."

"I'll call the school later and tell them you won't be there for the rest of the week."

She ignored his questioning glance and kept her eye on the road. The last thing she wanted was to alarm Taylor, but now that she thought about it, maybe it'd be best if he and her mom stayed at one of Finch's safe houses. She didn't want to take any chances.

* * *

"Start talking, Finch." They'd just gotten back to the library and he took off his coat.

Finch knew he'd promised Carter that he wouldn't tell Reese about the surveillance he wanted on Facile and Beecher, but given the increasing level of danger he decided it was better the risk her anger at him than risk her life.

"Carter asked me get eyes and ears on Manny and Beecher and Don Facile. She's trying to build a case and she plans to move in on them when they bring in the shipment."

"When is it coming in?" He asked.

"The day after tomorrow."

"Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for her to handle this alone?"

"I did. And I advised her that we needed to bring you in on it when she first asked me to do it, but she refused. When we met today I told her again to inform you and she said she'd think about it."

"Which just means she had no plans to tell me."

"Well that remains to be seen Mr. Reese."

"What is she planning to do?" He asked as Finch's cell phone rang and he picked it up.

"Detective Carter." He answered and looked up at Reese who watched him with an intense gaze.

"Finch I'm sorry to do this, but I need another favour."

"Yes, what is it Detective?"

"I wonder if there's a safe house that I can use for a couple of days. I don't want my mom and Taylor to stay at her place right now. I just want to make sure they'll be alright."

"Of course, Detective. I have a brownstone in Cobble Hill you can use." He gave her the address and she hung up along with the code for the alarm and the hiding place of the spare key.

"She wanted someplace safe for Taylor and her mother to stay for a few days." He explained.

Reese was glad to know at least she was trying to keep Taylor and her mom out of the line of fire. But he was not happy about being kept in the dark by both her and Finch.

"Finch, we're going to talk about this later. I'm heading over there right now."

* * *

It took a lot of convincing and a whole bunch of cajoling to get her mother to go along with the idea of spending time away from her own house and not being able to tell anyone where they were going to be but Carter finally managed it.

She was hounded by countless questions by both her mother and Taylor on the drive over to Cobble Hill. It did nothing to calm her nerves.

The small brownstone was nice. It had three bedrooms and was fully furnished. Carter got them settled in fine and helped them put away the groceries they'd stopped for before they got there.

"Does this place have cable?"

"I have no idea Taylor." She said avoiding her mother's gaze. "I have to go. I have some things I need to take care of."

She walked over to Taylor hugging him. She had a real bad feeling about this case, she couldn't shake it. She wondered if it'd be the last time she'd be seeing him. She found herself getting misty eyed and shook her head. This wasn't the first bad situation she had to face on the force and she'd been okay. She was sure she'd be alright once this was over.

"Remember what I said now, Taylor. Don't tell anyone where you are." She finally let him go, turning to her mother. "You too mom. I'll call you both when I can."

She walked outside getting into her car when she saw the front door open and her mother hurrying out.

"What is it, mom?"

"Jocelyn, is everything okay, baby?"

"It will be mom."

"You take care of yourself baby. You hear me?" She said while squeezing Carter's hand.

"I will. Now go on back inside and lock the doors."

* * *

Reese wasn't able to catch up with Carter in Cobble Hill. By the time he got there, there was no sign of her.

He tried calling her on her cell phone, but didn't get an answer. Finally he tracked down Fusco who was at a game with his son.

"Lionel, have you heard from Carter?"

"Not since yesterday, no. What's going on?"

"Are you aware of her plan to take down Gabric along with Beecher and Facile?"

Fusco hesitated for a minute. As far as he knew, she hadn't wanted Reese involved in it and he wasn't sure just how much he knew right now.

"Finch told me everything so if you know where she is right now you better tell me."

"I told you I haven't spoken to her since yesterday. As far as I know, nothing's going down with Gabric until the day after tomorrow. If she's making any moves before then, I don't know about it. Listen I gotta go, my kid's waiting for me."

* * *

7:00pm

"When's Taylor coming home?" Cal's question brought her back to the present moment. Carter had been sitting there with him for the past hour, but her mind was elsewhere. He'd stopped by earlier with dinner, but she'd barely touched it.

The TV was on, they were watching a game, and she was lying on his chest on the couch. She wanted to be anywhere but here.

"He's at my mother's." She said softly.

"On a school night?"

"Yeah a few of his cousins are there too; they're having a sleepover with her so….I let him go."

"So that means we have the apartment to ourselves tonight?" He asked and she heard the hint of hope in his voice. She wanted to shoot herself in the foot right now and thought about how she'd have to think of a way to get out of going to bed with him. With the place to themselves she couldn't use Taylor as an excuse for not sleeping with him. Hell she'd already accepted the invite for the trip; it wouldn't make sense for her not to sleep with him right now.

"I guess you could say that, yeah." She said trying to keep a smile in her voice.

She felt his hands sliding up and down her back and he leaned down to press his lips on hers. One of his hands drifted down her waist and onto her ass, squeezing it and pressing her closer to him. She felt his mouth becoming more insistent, his hands more probing and her mind was racing, thinking of Reese.

Just then his phone rang but he ignored it. His tongue was in her mouth, his hands grabbing for her shirt. The phone rang again.

"Don't you want to get that?" She suggested. He swore under his breath, answering it finally and the conversation was heated.

"What was that all about?" She asked when he hung up.

"I have to go take care of something." He said impatiently.

"Your case?" He looked at her then and she swallowed hard realizing that soon everything was about to come to a head.

He nodded and got up from the couch, kissing her on her forehead and left.

* * *

9pm

Reese walked down the steps of Carter's apartment building and closed the door shut. He'd broken in looking for her, but she wasn't there. Another call to her cell phone had proven unsuccessful. He was beginning to get worried.

He knew she wasn't stupid, he knew she wouldn't do anything to endanger herself carelessly. He thought she might be with Beecher tonight, but judging by his location when Finch had tracked him, there was no way she'd be with him right now.

He got into his car and called Finch.

"Finch, track Carter's phone for me. Find out where she is."

He pulled out into traffic, trying to think of where she could be and waited as Finch did his search.

"Mr. Reese, it appears that she is at….._**810 Baxter St.**_"

She was at his place. The information put a tiny smile on his face and he sped up a little, heading home. "Thanks, Finch." He said hanging up.

He wondered just how long she had been waiting. He wondered if she was okay.

* * *

Carter didn't know how it happened. But as soon as Cal left, she found herself in the shower, then getting dressed and heading out her front door. She didn't take her car, but she hopped in the back of a taxi and headed over to Reese's apartment on Baxter St.

She told herself not to think. She told herself not to analyze it too much, but to just go. When she walked into the lobby and headed up to his floor, she never thought that there was a chance he might not be home. But as soon as she got there and knocked on the door several times, she realized he wasn't there.

She felt like an idiot. She felt like a fool. Something inside her had wanted to see him so badly that she just came over and he wasn't even there. Whatever it was that had compelled her to come over wouldn't let her leave and she stood there in the hallway waiting, sitting on the windowsill near the far wall past his front door.

She'd sat there for a half an hour when the dinging of the elevator sounded in her ears. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath until she saw Reese's familiar form get out of the elevator and she finally stood up and slowly walked towards him, not quite knowing what to say.

He looked down at her, and sensing that she was troubled, offered her a reassuring look.

"Joss." he said by way of greeting and she closed her eyes looking down. "Why didn't you call me?"

"If I did, I might have chickened out. I might have turned around and gone straight back home." She admitted.

He opened the door and they both slipped inside. He took her coat, and draped it over the back of the couch inviting her to sit down.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked and she nodded. He went into the kitchen, coming back moments later with two glasses of red wine.

He watched as she took a drink and set the glass down on the small table in front of her.

"What is it, Joss?" he said, resting his hand on her arm.

"Can I stay here…with you tonight? I don't want to be alone."


	8. A Change of Plan

**A/N Thanks for being patient for this latest chapter but I promise it's worth the wait. Forgive any typos you may find here and there. I do not own Person of Interest or any of its wonderful characters.**

* * *

Reese entered the lobby of his building, looking around for signs of Carter, but he didn't see her. He dialed her number on the way over again, but it went straight to voicemail. He got into one of the elevators, patiently waiting as it climbed the floors, wondering if, then dismissing the idea that Finch could have been wrong about her location. Finch had never been wrong before.

The doors of the elevator opened and he stepped out into the dark corridor. He fished around for his keys in his pocket and that's when he saw a slight movement to his left. He looked in that direction and saw Carter walking toward him.

She was quiet, and in the dark with her hair pulled back from her face, she looked tiny and vulnerable.

He wanted to reassure her. He wanted her to know that everything would be alright.

"Joss." he said her name softly and she closed her eyes looking down. "Why didn't you call me?"

"If I did, I might have chickened out. I might have turned around and gone straight back home." She admitted.

He nodded and opened the door, and they both slipped inside. He took her coat, and draped it over the back of the couch inviting her to sit down.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asked and she nodded. He went into the kitchen, coming back moments later with two glasses of red wine.

She took the glass from his hand and he watched as she took a drink before setting it down on the small table in front of her. He sat down next to her and she turned to him.

"What is it, Joss?" he said, resting his hand on her arm.

"Can I stay here…with you tonight? I don't want to be alone." The look on her face was unguarded, soft, and he knew it took a lot for her to say those words.

"Of course you can, Joss. I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you." He watched as she seemed to be gathering her thoughts. She took another sip of the wine and looked him in the eye. "Have you ever made a decision thinking it was the right one and…"

"….and then totally regretted it? Story of my life Joss."

"I guess it is, isn't it?" She was silent for a moment, hesitant and when she spoke again, her voice was soft. "This whole thing with Beecher…it's just a mess." The look of frustration on her face worried him a little.

"Tell me what happened, Joss. Did he hurt you?"

"No, he didn't." She left out the part about his line of questioning the previous evening about seeing her getting out of John's car. "I'm talking about my case, the Jason Davis murder…"

"Well you can't blame yourself for that, you trusted him. But you can't fix it alone."

He watched the knowing look across her face. She smiled, shaking her head and she realized he knew. "I should've known he'd tell you."

"Well in Finch's defence, he did so rather reluctantly and under slight …coercion."

"Well that makes me feel a lot better." There was that smile again and her tongue peeped out to run across her lower lip. He loved watching that whenever it happened. The sight of the pink tip as it flickered out caused him to draw in a heavy breath.

"It should. It means that you have people who care about you, who are on your side."

"John…."

"….even when you don't want us to be."

"Finch was kind enough to let me use one of his properties so my mom and Taylor could have somewhere to stay. At least I won't have to worry about them." She reached down to take off her boots and Reese watched as she got comfortable leaning on the back of the sofa.

Taylor and her mother would be safe, but now he was worried about her.

"Did he tell you everything about Cal?"

"Just about, and it's too much for you Joss…..you're not going after them alone. I'm coming with you." He watched her, expecting a fight, expecting her to say no and raise objections, but she didn't.

"Okay." She asked simply and walked over to one of the windows. Her gaze was fixed on the New York skyline outside. "This is a pretty amazing view here." She said and turned to smile at him. "Seeing it in the morning the first time I was here was something else, but now, the night gives things a whole different perspective."

He wondered at her choice of words and stood beside her. The scent of jasmine wafted into his nostrils and seemed to surround him. They stood no more than three feet apart, yet the sweet smell made it seem like she was in his arms.

Her voice was soft as she turned to face him and she put her palm on his chest, laying it flat there. He looked down at it, then at her face.

"You've always been there. From the very beginning, haven't you? Before I got shot, you knew me. You knew who I was." Her head was bent, still focused on her own hand and she raised another, splaying her fingers across his torso. "You knew me, John. You saved me; you saved my son's life."

"Yes." Reese said, his voice raspy. He wanted her to look up. He wanted to see her eyes, but they were closed now. It seemed she was struggling with her words, but he was treated to the appearance of her tongue again as it flicked over her bottom lip once more.

"You've always been there." Her head came up then and finally she looked into his eyes. "Why?" His arms encircled her waist and he pulled her closer. He could hear her breath quicken and her chest rose and fell as his hands moved up and down her back.

"Because you knew _**me**_, Joss. You saw me. You saved me first." A low moan escaped her mouth, just before his lips touched hers. And just like the last time, her lips were soft, sweet against his. He ran his tongue along the inside of her mouth, almost as if he was tasting her for the first time.

She returned his passion and their tongues danced together, a beautiful tango really. He put his hand behind her neck and he felt her hands moving over his chest, touching him, feeling for the buttons on his shirt. One by one she undid them, till his shirt was open and her hands were warm and soft on his bare skin.

He drew in a shaky breath and pressed his lips along the side of her face, then her ear. And finally he trailed the tip of his tongue along her earlobe. He kissed her neck, hearing the sound of his name on her lips and his hands moved lower to rest on the small of her back.

She peeled his jacket off of his shoulders, and then discarded his shirt. She looked up at him for a moment, then sweetly touched her lips to his chest. Reese's breath caught in his throat as she kissed him from his chest to his belly. She trailed her fingers lightly over his skin and he held onto her shoulders as he felt her tongue slip out of her mouth and run ever so hotly just under his navel.

He pulled her roughly against him then, picking her up and mashing his lips onto hers. Carter ran her fingers through his short hair and wrapped her legs around him. Reese quickly felt for the clip that held her hair in place and took it off, letting her hair fall down in waves over her shoulders and a few strands brushed against his face. He moved over to the bed, never taking his lips off hers and set her down near the edge.

Reese took in the sight of her bare skin as his hands moved under her shirt, then pulled it over her head. His eyes devoured her thighs after her pants were off. His fingers trailed over the curve of her butt, the soft skin of her belly. She reached around to unhook her bra and slipped out of her panties.

"You're beautiful." He whispered and she looked up at him with hooded eyes as she undid the zipper of his pants. He felt her hands in his underwear, her fingers moving over him, holding him in her hands.

"Joss…." she smiled at her name on his lips. He pressed her into the mattress seconds later. Her eyes roamed over his chest. This time she was the one appreciating the view.

"So that's what you had hiding underneath that suit." She teased as his mouth found hers again. He kissed her hard, sucking at her lips and his fingers found her nipples, twisting them to hardened buds. She moaned at his touch, her hands grabbing at his back. She felt his cock on her belly, warm and hard and she reached for him again stroking him in her palm till he was slick on her fingers.

His tongue in her mouth was so warm and wet, so demanding and rough. She felt devoured by him, as if he was thirsty after a long drought. He licked at her mouth, sucked on her lips, bit at her and then kissed her all over again. She felt giddy, turned on. She groaned when his lips left hers, but moaned as they found the peaks of her breasts.

How he tortured her; lingering on one nipple till he found the other. His hands weren't idle. They found work to do and travelled over her hips, down the outside of her thighs, then in between to run over where they met.

His thumb circled her clit and she bucked against his hand as he slowly slipped one finger inside her. He didn't miss a beat as his lips burned a path from between her breasts all the way down to her navel. His mouth was hot, wet, against her skin. She began to tingle all over and gripped onto his shoulders as he inserted another finger.

She ran her fingers through his hair. "Come here, John." She wanted to kiss him again. Her hands were on either side of his face, pulling him closer so she could feast on his lips. Her body ached for him, she wanted him so badly. He stared into her eyes then and she knew his need was just as strong as hers.

He drew her legs up, raising her butt as he thrust into her with intensity, putting his weight behind him. He ground into her slowly opening her up, stretching her out. Carter arched her back, feeling him touch her walls and every nerve ending inside her. She raised her other leg so he could sink in deeper and felt him start to move within.

He fit her snugly, so tight, so perfect like he was made for her body. They moved together in rhythm and she rose to meet every powerful thrust. He kept his eyes on her, watching her moan, listening to every sound she made, enjoying the sight of her as pleasure trickled through every inch of her.

"You feel so good, John." She said, and it was music to his ears. She gripped his back, her mouth open, no sound coming out, her face twisted in ecstasy. She thought she would break, crash into a million pieces, but then he lifted both her legs higher pressing them to her chest and she fell over the edge, she was floating and he was the one who had thrust her into the air.

He bent down to slip his tongue into her mouth, suck on her bottom lip. She whimpered and held onto him tighter. He was moving faster and harder and deeper now and she felt herself quickly approaching release. She started to tremble underneath him.

"Oh God, Joss….you feel so sweet…." His breathing was laboured, shallow, just like her own and then there it was. Her whole body began to vibrate, and Reese felt it around him, squeezing him, pulling him in, tearing his own orgasm from his body too. He kissed her and she moaned into his mouth, her hands grabbing him as waves of pleasure ran all through her.

Her chest was heaving, and she slowly lowered her legs. But he wouldn't let her go. He held her, he kissed her, he caressed every part of her and felt as if she had just been perfectly taken by the one person she'd never expected to do it.

He saw the smile on her face and she shook her head.

"What?" He asked rolling over and pulling her close to his chest.

"If someone had told me the first day that I met you that I'd wind up here…..with you…like this…I'd have told them they were crazy."

"Maybe not so crazy." He said kissing her shoulder.

"There was something about your eyes, way back then. I knew…I just knew you weren't just some lunatic off the street. There was something…..deeper, something better underneath."

"You knew me….Joss…." he said burying his face in her neck. His hands moved from around her waist to between her legs. She was surprised to feel him harden again so quickly.

"So soon?" She said turning to face him and he ran his fingers through her hair, fisting his fingers in it.

"I'm hungry for more." He said claiming her mouth again.

* * *

Beecher walked down the steps of Carter's apartment building and walked over to his car where it was parked across the street. He'd been knocking for the past five minutes and there was no answer from inside. His calls to her cell had gone straight to voicemail. It sounded like her phone was turned off. He wondered where she was and he was a little worried. His meeting with Manny had been brief and he'd hoped to pick up where they had left off earlier.

She'd been so hard to read lately. He felt like he was in this relationship alone. He honestly did care about her, grown to care about her a lot, but lately he felt as if she was pulling farther and farther away from him. Her decision to accept his invitation to go away with him was a step in the right direction he thought, but she'd been acting downright weird the last couple of days. Something was off and he couldn't put his finger on it. He hoped their time together this weekend could fix whatever was driving them off the rails and get them back on track.

He started his car, making his way into traffic and a half hour ride into Queens. He pulled into a private driveway and sat out front. He made a brief phone call and waited till an older man came out the front door and climbed into the front seat with him.

"Captain." Said Beecher.

"Cal. I haven't seen your ass in almost a week. Whaddaya got for me?" Asked Harvey Benson while rubbing his eyes.

"Gabric's bringing in the shipment early. He's paranoid about Facile. Wants to get everything in before he moves in on him." He gave Harvey all the information he needed, time, place and who the players were.

"He's still expecting you to take care of that right?"

"Yes sir. In fact he's more adamant about that than before."

Harvey nodded, shaking his legs. It was an involuntary habit he had whenever he was thinking about something.

"Did you get any leads on the guy who killed Davis?"

"Yeah. Morrison should be picking him up tomorrow. We got a lead on where he'll be. I'm sure he'll sing like a canary once we get him in the box. Whatever he gives us should implicate Facile."

"Good. I'm just eager to put this case behind me. It's been dragging on long enough."

"Well at least you got some time off coming to you right afterwards. Make sure you enjoy it. You earned it Beecher." He opened the car door to get out. "We'll have everything ready and set up tomorrow night. Just call me before it's about to go down."

* * *

Fusco walked into his apartment and threw his keys down on the table next to the front door. He was beat. He'd just dropped his son off after the game and he wanted to rest. He kicked off his shoes and took his jacket off, turning on the TV to catch the late news. Just as he'd gotten comfortable his cell rang. It was an unknown number and he was annoyed assuming it was Reese still trying to track down Carter.

"What!" He answered gruffly.

"Detective we might have a slight problem." It was Finch on the other line.

"Don't you and Wonder Boy ever sleep? It's actually what I was planning to do in a couple of minutes."

"I'm afraid that's going to have to wait. I just found out that Gabric's shipment has been moved up to tomorrow night instead of the day after."

"Have you told Carter?"

"I've tried reaching Detective Carter, but she's….indisposed right now, it seems. She's not answering her phone. So you're the next best thing. I know she said she enlisted your help with the bust, I assume you two have planned this out carefully."

"Yeah, I'll make a few phone calls and get back to you. Thanks."

Fusco hung up and dialed an old friend who was working Narcotics at the 88th. It took him a while, but he finally picked up. When he finally answered, he sounded like he'd been jolted out of a deep sleep.

"Lionel you better have a damn good reason for waking me up right now."

"As a matter of fact I do Phil. Remember that favour I asked you for day after tomorrow?"

"Yeah."

"Well, we have a slight change of plans."

* * *

The shrill of his cell phone rouse Reese from his doze and he fumbled for it in the dark. Carter's head rested on his chest, her arm on his stomach and she was asleep. He answered the phone and moved out from underneath her slowly, trying not to wake her up.

He walked over to the couch and sat down. "Finch?"

"I'm sorry to wake you Mr. Reese, but it's important."

"What is it Finch?" Reese listened as Finch gave him the update on the shipment and when it was coming in. He mentioned that he'd been unsuccessful in reaching Carter.

"I'm still showing her location to be at your loft Mr. Reese, is everything okay?"

He was quiet, not paying full attention to Finch and he watched as Carter stirred from sleep, slowly sitting up in bed. The sheet covering her fell to her waist and her breasts were exposed. The light coming in through the windows cast a remarkable glow over her. She looked almost ethereal against the white sheets on the bed.

God help him, but he was getting aroused again.

"Mr. Reese?" Came Finch's voice again.

"Everything's fine, Finch. Thanks for calling." He disconnected the call as she walked over to him, the sheet covering her, hair tousled. He reached for her hand and pulled her down on his lap.

"Who were you talking to?" She asked sleepily and he kissed her shoulder while running his hand up and down her back.

"Finch."

"What'd he want?" She said as he moved her in a position to straddle him. She raised an eyebrow as he dropped the sheet to the ground and pulled her hand towards his erection.

"I'll tell you tomorrow. We have more important things to take care of right now." He kissed her then, sucking at her lips hungrily.

"Oh do tell."

* * *

**A/N Sorry to leave you guys hanging like that, but I promise we'll pick up where we left off in the next chapter. Stay tuned.**


	9. Tomorrow Isn't Promised

A/N Thanks for being patient with me while I took forever to update this fic. I believe I left you dangling on a yummy piece of cliffhanger on the last chapter, and I assure you we pick up where we left off, but this one is a little different. This particular chapter is told from the POV of different characters and it also switches from present day events to the night that Carter went to Reese's loft. Hopefully I've maintained coherence in the telling of this chapter. Enjoy!

* * *

"Carter get down!"

She heard his voice and then felt his weight pushing her to the ground. He grunted as he returned fire and got off two shots in the direction of the warehouse door. She was able to make out Manny Gabric's face as he grimaced in pain, holding his chest.

His eyes were wide now, staring at nothing. His blank expression confirmed he was dead.

Reese didn't immediately get up, she was still pinned underneath him and she put her arms around his waist trying to nudge him a little. He was getting heavy.

"Are you alright?" She heard him struggle to get the words out and the wrinkle between her eyebrows appeared as she looked at him sideways.

Her hand around his waist was damp now and she pulled it back only to see it red with blood.

His blood.

She opened his jacket and saw that he'd been hit on his side, near his lower belly. And he was losing blood fast.

"John! Oh my God." He started to move, and she was ready to tell him to keep still, but she knew he wouldn't listen. Instead she helped him get on his back and held him almost in her lap.

"Finch…I'm gonna need a little help here." He said touching his earwig.

"I'm on my way Mr. Reese."

Carter felt the tears sting her eyes, threatening to fall. She put her hand against the wound trying to put pressure on it. He was losing blood fast.

"John, you're gonna be okay." She said shakily, trying to sound stronger than she felt. Truth was, her heart was beating a mile a minute and she hoped wherever Finch, was he didn't take too long to get there.

It had happened so fast.

He'd saved her life. Again. And she damned sure wasn't going to let him die.

"Finch…is…coming…."

"Don't talk, John. Don't talk." She said caressing his face.

Thankfully Finch arrived just minutes later and she helped Finch get him in the back seat of his Town Car. She impatiently wiped at the tears that started to fall and planted a quick kiss on his lips. The display was not lost on Finch who paused as he witnessed it, but he knew now was not the time for questions.

"Finch….." She said as she closed the car door.

"It's alright Detective. I'll take care of him. She nodded as he got into the drivers seat and watched as he sped away.

It all felt too familiar.

She'd followed him down the stairs of the hospital, found him in the garage as Finch was helping him into the back of his car. She had to make a split second decision and it was to let them go so he wouldn't die.

Now she was doing it again. The last time she hadn't known for days how he was doing. This time she wouldn't wait that long.

She wanted to go with them, but she had some things she had to take care of first.

* * *

Such beautiful skin.

Such a beautiful woman, Reese thought.

Her arms were around his neck and his hands were on her hips. Her tongue swept out gliding over her bottom lip just the way he liked it as she straddled him and lowered herself slowly, ever so slowly onto his waiting cock.

His eyes closed as she settled onto him, her lips touched his, not quite kissing them but close enough where he could feel the heat of her breath mingle with his.

Her fingers were in his hair now and her thighs rested softly against his. They felt soft, smooth on his skin.

She moaned, and her head tilted back as she started to move on him. Up and down, a slow rhythm, but one that pushed him further in with each movement, taking him in deeper.

"Joss…" her name was a caress on his lips and his hands travelled up and down her back, his fingers sinking into her flesh, biting into it almost. He was under as spell as she moved. Deep magic that had reached all the way to his bones.

She was tight, she fit him so well. The feel of her was so delicious on him and he made a guttural sound in his throat, it sounded almost like a growl.

He heard her chuckle a little.

Minx, he thought and bit into her neck. She gasped and his tongue flicked out over it, easing the tiny nick of pain he'd administered. His hands moved over her breasts, squeezing them gently, teasing her nipples till he made her moan too.

She pulled him closer as she started to ride him faster, harder, grinding onto him more and more. His hands were on her butt, squeezing the soft flesh there. He felt her heartbeat quickening, her moans were deeper and he felt her lips tickle the tip of his earlobe.

She met his eyes, cupping his face in her hands, the tips of her fingers on his ears.

She ran her thumb over his mouth, back and forth. She pushed it in and out over his tongue first, then making him suck on it, right before she crashed her lips onto his.

He heard her start to whimper and as her tongue plunged into his mouth he felt her tighten over his cock then vibrate. She shuddered against him, holding onto his neck, pressing herself into him as she rode her orgasm out.

John grabbed onto her shoulders, pushing into her, seeking release and found it as he plunged into her powerfully a few more times. He emptied himself inside her, while they both held each other close.

And she kissed him, and kissed him and kissed him. Her lips roaming over his, tasting him. Her hands were over his face, touching him.

"John….I…"

"Hmm…What is it?" he asked, his fingers trailing in the back of her neck.

"It's nothing….."

* * *

"Dr. Tillman…..what about the bleeding?" Finch asked.

He made out voices, he saw Megan Tillman's face, and he remembered the doctor well.

Finch must have asked for her help, but he noticed he wasn't at a hospital. He wasn't quite sure where he was.

He wanted to ask but he was weak and he could feel the black of unconsciousness gripping him.

"Can you control the bleeding, Dr.?" muffled voices.

"_**Don't talk, John. Don't talk." He could hear Joss' voice shushing him.**_

"Finch…..Finch…..Carter….where's Carter?"

* * *

"Get your hands up, Beecher."

Carter's gun was pointed to his neck, Fusco at her side and Cal's hands slid slowly in the air.

"I can't believe I trusted you." She said and he turned his head slowly realizing he was no longer in the container alone.

"What's going on, Joss?" He asked, confusion on his face. Carter walked slowly in front of him, her gun now aimed at his chest while Fusco went to put handcuffs on him.

"You're not doing this, Joss." He said struggling with Fusco.

"Beecher don't make me shoot you. I don't want to, but I will do it." She promised slowly.

"Get your hands back down, buddy." Said Fusco.

"It's not what you think. Would you listen to me?"

"Why the hell would I listen to anything else you have to say, Cal?"

"Because I'm working undercover, like I told you. Manny's gonna be here any minute and if he spots you and Fusco here, he's gonna leave and the case I've been working on for months will be fucked! My backup is just across the yard and they're all in place waiting for Manny and his supplier. So you two need to get the hell out."

"What about Davis?"

"I didn't kill Davis." he answered angrily. "But the man who did is in custody."

"Beecher, what the fuck is going on in there?" The voice came over a radio. "You alright?"

"I'm fine, Moss. Everything's under control." He picked up the radio in front of him on a container speaking into it. He angrily looked at Fusco who managed to wrap bracelets around one of his hands. "You mind getting this off me?"

* * *

Her resolve was breaking.

She thought she could hold it together, fill out her paperwork, give her report and check on John later, but with each passing moment she began to worry more and more. Her calls to Finch had gone unanswered. He was probably making sure that John was safe, but…..why wasn't he answering his phone?

She was at her desk, pen in hand, with only a paragraph written on the report sheet.

Her hands started to shake, she felt like she couldn't breathe and her chest suddenly got tight. There was no way she was going to let herself go in front of the other officers.

She threw her pen down and walked a steady pace to the end of the corridor. She didn't want to go in the ladies' room, there was too great a chance that she'd have company and she didn't want any questions right now. She opened the door to a filing room, went inside and locked herself in.

She stood with her back against the wall and a hand to her chest. Her heart was beating so fast she thought surely it would come out of her chest. She took a few deep breaths, trying to fill her lungs with air, but it seemed to make the feeling worse.

Now she felt like she might pass out. Her chest was heaving, and it felt like the room was spinning. She felt like she wanted to throw up everything in her stomach. She bent at the waist, her head facing the ground, but nothing would come out.

It was almost as if she'd been punched in the gut.

Not able to get her bearings, she simply allowed herself to sink to the floor. She brought her knees to her chest and rested her head on them. That's when the tears started to come.

They poured and poured for what seemed like forever. She couldn't get a sob out, her stomach hurt and she eventually keeled over to the ground.

"John….." she finally uttered his name. And yet still the tears came. "John…."

* * *

Carter was spent, exhausted, the kind where it took a lot of energy to lift your head, your arms, move even a muscle, but it was a blissful fatigue.

The smile on her face as she lay beside John was wide. Her leg was thrown over his, fingers tangled together and one of his hands was on the small of her back lightly tracing circular patterns over it.

She needed rest. Something she hadn't done since she got here. Not that she was complaining.

She hadn't actually intended to sleep with him. She didn't know exactly what she wanted, but she came here tonight because she simply needed to be near him.

She didn't know if it was the wine she'd drunk or the beauty of the New York skyline but when he stood close to her by the window she knew she couldn't wait one more day to be in his arms. Her case with the Croats was coming to a close, things were getting heated with Cal, she didn't know where she'd be at the end of it all. She suddenly felt there was no time to waste anymore. Tomorrow wasn't promised.

"What are you thinking?" Her head was nestled under his chin and his voice was soft. "Having regrets?"

"None whatsoever." She said shaking her head. "Are _**you**_ having any?"

"About tonight? No. But I wish that I'd made myself face what was between us sooner."

"And what do you think that is, John?"

"Something special. Something really deep….something that's…important to me."

She turned over, climbing on top of him underneath the covers.

He rumbled low in his throat as she pressed herself into him. Her lips were right on top of his.

"That was a good answer." She said kissing him.

"You need to rest." He said smiling, moving strands of her hair from her brow. "Tomorrow's a big day for us."

"What do you mean? What's going on tomorrow?" She asked.

"Gabric's shipment is coming in earlier than we realized. That's what Finch's call was about. Fusco knows."

She started to get up but he pulled her back down on top of him.

"There's nothing you can do about it right now. It's the middle of the night and you're not leaving my side. Not right now."

His hands felt so good on her back, and though she was a little annoyed that he had this information for a while, she wasn't in the mood to argue. His lips felt so good on hers.

"John…."

"Joss, it's under control. And I'm coming with you."

* * *

"Did you hear that?" Asked Carter. Reese was on the other line of her phone.

"I did."

"Take a guess at who's got egg on their face."

"You need to wipe it off Detective. You have unexpected company." Said Reese lowering his binoculars. "Beecher's backup is in trouble."

Carter motioned to Fusco who took out his weapon and looked around. "What do you see, John?"

"Could be Manny's supplier. I don't know, but there are a total of five guys coming into the area." He paused looking through his binoculars again. He saw the familiar black SUV and the front window rolled down to reveal Scarface was in it. "And I see an old friend. They'll be on you in a matter of minutes. I'm gonna take them out."

John put the binoculars down and picked up his Coharie Arms CA-415 Assault Rifle. He was already taking aim.

"No, John, don't. Not yet." Said Carter. "We need to arrest this guy _**with**_ the drugs. Give us a little more time. Come on Fusco." She and Fusco rounded the side of the container, waiting.

* * *

Beecher looked through the door of the container and made out a pickup truck pulling into the yard in the distance. He swore under his breath. "Manny, your boy is here. Where the hell are you?" Cal's voice was impatient over the phone.

"I'm running late, but I'll be there. You got the money, Cal. Just get the product. Make the deal."

* * *

Five minutes later things went from bad to worse. Manny's supplier walked into the container empty handed. He was unhappy doing a hand over with someone he'd never met. He was unfamiliar with Beecher and no amount of smooth talk could convince him that he was trustworthy. Having been promised that Gabric would be there in person, he declined the offer of money and was on his way out.

Beecher was hot on his heels.

Elias' men had another idea.

"Carter I don't like the looks of this." Said Reese.

Neither did Carter, but it was Beecher's case and if he couldn't arrest both Manny and his supplier because she interfered, she knew he'd be pissed.

But on the other hand, things looked as if they were about to get way out of hand.

Scarface watched as all hell broke loose. Gunfire was exchanged between Elias' men and Manny's supplier. Whatever plans Carter and Fusco had to let Beecher handle it on his own vanished as they got involved in the fray.

Reese was able to take out quite a few of Elias' men and when Scarface saw that they were fighting a losing battle, he turned the SUV on and pulled off without looking back.

Two of Beecher's guys were shot. They'd been badly wounded, but medical attention was on the scene in record time.

The cocaine was recovered, in the back of the pickup. Manny's supplier had it all along, and Beecher was able to make his bust. Gabric however, had yet to show up.

Beecher feared he got wind of what was supposed to go down and decided not to show. He'd sent one of his fellow under covers to look for him, but he was sure Manny was long gone.

Sirens filled the air. A few ambulances, patrol cars, all speeding off into the night. As soon they left, the port area became deafeningly silent.

Reese remained in the distance, watching and waiting for Carter. Fusco had already gone, along with the officers he and Carter had brought with him. But she wasn't alone. Beecher was there and he wondered at the confrontation that was about to take place.

* * *

"So the money's gone? All of my money?" Manny blew smoke out of his nose, slowly, his anger building to an out of control level.

One of his men had escaped the scene and had called to warn him not to go. He gave the details of what happened; about Beecher, Fusco and Carter, even Elias' men and some unknown shooter who had successfully taken a whole lot of them out.

Manny disconnected the call, pulling on his cigarette for the last time before flicking it out the car window and rounded the corner. The stoplight had just turned green. He was almost at the container port yard.

* * *

Beecher stayed behind, his gaze fixed on Carter as she walked up to him. Disappointment was evident on his face. But even worse than that, she could see that he was truly hurt.

"I'm sorry, Cal. I just….things just didn't add up…..and I thought that…."

"You thought that I was dirty. After I asked you, more than once, to trust me."

"I know…..I…..I'm sorry."

"You had Fusco ready to cuff me, like a criminal. You were ready to take me down without speaking to me about your suspicions first. You know me, Joss. At least I thought you did."

"Cal…" she raised her hand to touch his arm, but he pushed her hand away. A response that made Reese remove his SIG-Sauer from where it normally rested at the small of his back. He started to walk toward them with the gun in hand at his side.

She watched as Cal looked at her realizing that he was angry. "I'm sorry, Joss. I just…let me finish up this case. It's been a long day and a long night. We'll talk later." He said and turned to walk away.

"Okay." She said nodding.

* * *

Finch took a look at Reese as he lay in bed. He'd been tended to, bandaged up and given a strong sedative. He guessed that he'd be unconscious for a while. According to Tillman the bullet had come dangerously close to his liver, but had miraculously not hit any major arteries or organs. He had lost a lot of blood and needed to be in bed for a while. She said it'd be best to keep him sedated for now.

He breathed a sigh of relief as he let her out of the brownstone, one of the many properties he owned. He decided not to take Reese back to his own loft just yet, just in case the authorities had been looking for him.

He walked slowly back into the living room area and picked up his cell phone. He noted that there were several missed calls from Detective Carter.

He remembered the kiss she quickly pressed to his lips before he took Reese to Dr. Tillman. Although it was an unexpected gesture, he couldn't say he was terribly surprised that something had evolved between them.

Whether they both admitted it or not, they'd both developed a friendship and perhaps something a little more over the time they'd gotten to know each other.

He couldn't say that he thought it wise to explore those feelings. There was so much at stake for all of them. So many things could go wrong; their lives were constantly in danger. He wondered if it was worth it.

He let out a long sigh and dialed Carter's number.

* * *

Reese walked over to the container as he watched Beecher leave. He found Carter standing inside alone in the dim light, a frown on her face. The wrinkle between her brows was there, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe it away.

She shook her head sadly.

"I messed up." She said as he came toward her.

"You didn't know."

"He didn't kill Davis."

"Neither of us knew, Joss." He tried to soothe her but he saw the look of guilt on her face. His face was impassive as usual, but instead he felt the feeling of panic start to tear inside him like ripping fabric.

They had just recently crossed a new threshold, he wondered if it was in danger now.

"I should have trusted him, John. I should have trusted him."

He reached out to pull her into his arms but heard a sound in the back of them.

"_**Carter get down!" …..**_

…_**..Her hand around his waist was damp now and she pulled it back only to see it red with blood….**_

…_**.His blood. **_

…_**She opened his jacket and saw that he'd been hit on his side, on his lower belly. And he was losing blood fast…..**_

…"_**Are you alright?" **_

As he struggled to get the words out, he saw the look of worry on her face.

* * *

Eventually the tears subsided and Carter wiped at her face. Her breathing returned to normal, but she sat on the floor of the filing room for a good while longer.

She was much calmer than she had been before, but she still wondered why there was still no word from Finch.

What if John hadn't made it?

What if that was the reason Finch hadn't picked up?

She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket intending to dial Finch again, when it rang in her hand.

Unknown number.

She picked it up immediately.

"Finch?"

"Yes Detective, it's me."

* * *

Carter sat on the countertop in Reese's kitchen. He worked the griddle as he did last time she was here when she was sick and he made her breakfast.

Pancakes. She'd made the request and he'd gladly obliged. The aroma of eggs and bacon filled the air and he came to stand between her legs as she spooned some of it into his mouth like she did last time.

They made small talk, he stole kisses while she ate and his hands felt good on her body. She couldn't help thinking that she'd never felt this way with Cal. Never felt this comfortable, never felt so at home, never felt so right. Never felt like this.

Cal Beecher.

It was the first time she'd thought about him since she arrived the night before. After what happened between her and John, she and Cal were definitely over. She'd tried to deny it, but it was clear a long time ago.

She put her plate down next to her on the counter and put her arms around his neck. He smelled of fresh soap. His hair was clean, eyes bright, and the light shining through the apartment cast such a beautiful glow on him.

"You take good care of me, John."

"Well I'm happy to do it, Joss. And anything worth doing is worth doing right."

"And that applies to everything you do?"

"I'm sure after last night, that's the last question you should ask." They shared a laugh and she was surprised to find herself blushing.

"So what happens now?" She asked.

"Truth?"

"Truth." She nodded.

"You're with me now and you'll get rid of Beecher." He said shrugging. "I'm sorry you have to break his heart, but, I'm not letting you go."

"As simple as that?"

"Why not?"

* * *

"His blood pressure is stabilizing Dr. Tillman." Said Finch talking to her on the phone. He slowly moved the cuff from Reese's arm and put it on the table next to the bed.

"…he's still resting, yes. …I'll do that when he wakes. Ok…thank you, Dr."

Finch rubbed his eyes, opening the door to head back to the living room.

"…Joss…..Joss…."

He turned around hearing Reese whisper Carter's name. He was still asleep.

"She's coming, John. She should be here any minute.


	10. Bittersweet

A/N Here's the latest update of Trust. A few flashbacks are sprinkled into this one, scenes that Carter and Reese shared. They were added to tie into the whole element of **_trust_**. Which is the emphasis of this chapter. Enjoy. And thanks so much for the wonderful reviews.

* * *

11:47PM

Marie Simmons looked at her clock next to the bed as soon when she heard the phone ringing and wondered who was calling her this late. Then she remembered she wasn't at home. She was at some safe house and her grandson Taylor was asleep in the next room. Still half asleep, she sat up slowly and reached for the phone, saying hello. She heard her daughter's voice on the other line.

"Hey mom, it's me." Carter's voice was weary and she sounded exhausted.

"Baby are you okay? What's going on?"

She heard her daughter pause on the other end of the phone, almost hesitant to speak.

"Did something go wrong, Jocelyn?" She knew her daughter was working on something big and insisted they stay here till it was all done. She wondered if something didn't go quite as planned. Her line of work was so unpredictable.

"Everything's fine mom. I just wanted to check on you and Taylor, make sure you're both alright."

"Jocelyn, you're worrying me." She said and got out of bed. She left the bedroom and walked down the hallway to the living room and sat down.

"I'm just….really tired. I'm fine really. Probably should have waited till tomorrow to call."

Marie shook her head. Jocelyn was always headstrong, stubborn. Always wanted to handle things on her own. Even as a teenager she internalized so much, she didn't open up as easily as her sister. It'd always been harder for her to guess what was on her youngest daughter's mind.

She worried about her, coming back from Afghanistan, Iraq, the things she'd seen. She worried she'd come back with PTSD, not being able to relate to anyone anymore. She watched as she slowly adjusted back to being a civilian. She wasn't even surprised when after passing the Bar she gave it up to become a police officer. She always wanted to save lives, never hesitated to sacrifice.

She was always strong, dependable; she endured so much every day without asking for anything in return.

She didn't like how she sounded tonight. She sounded tired, worried and not quite herself, but she decided not to push.

"So does this mean we can go home now?"

"No. I still want you to stay there for the rest of the week. Your furniture isn't going anywhere. Neither are those plants, I promise you. Go back to sleep mom. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay baby. I love you."

"I love you too mom."

* * *

It was almost 1am when Carter pulled up to the address Finch gave her in Cobble Hill. It was a two story brownstone in a prominent neighbourhood. The lights were on outside and she glimpsed what look like the soft light of a lamp on upstairs. She got out of the car and walked up the few steps, ringing the doorbell.

It wasn't long before Finch answered it. He looked just as tired as she was and let her inside.

"Detective." He said, noting her overnight bag on her shoulder but not commenting.

She took a quick look around noticing the expensive furniture, paintings on the walls, it actually looked like a place someone lived in versus one of the safe houses he'd let her use when she needed to hide the old Dons. "How is he?" She asked and he motioned for her to follow him to a bedroom at the end of the hallway.

"He's in here. The bullet's been removed and thankfully, according to the doctor, there's been no major damage."

She let out an audible sigh and walked over to the bed putting her bag on the floor. She thought he looked a little pale and she frowned. There was sheen of sweat on his brow and she picked up a towel from the nightstand and pressed it gently on his forehead.

"You're spending the night." She looked at Finch as he stood by the door. It was a statement really and his eyes held a knowing look. He also looked like he had a lot of questions, but she knew he had no plans of asking them. She looked back at Reese and simply said yes.

"I'll be in the bedroom upstairs. There's food in the kitchen if you're hungry."

Carter took her coat off, resting it on the footboard of the massive bed.

"He…he was asking for you, Detective." Finch's voice was soft and the simplicity of his words caused her to tear up. "Before he lost consciousness and a few hours ago…he called your name."

She nodded her head. "Finch….thank you"

"Good night, Detective."

"Goodnight." She said and took another look at John as he lay in the bed. She walked over to him, touching his forehead, her hand resting there a bit. "What were you thinking huh?" She whispered as she bent over and kissed him on the mouth. "What were you thinking?" She lowered her hand, resting it on his chest. He stirred a bit at her touch, but didn't wake.

She couldn't deny that she had been worried he might not make it. The last few weeks had been a time of revelation. She knew that her feelings for him had grown, but up until tonight she hadn't realized how much. On the floor of the filing room back at the precinct, she'd been hit by the fear of losing him. She felt such a sense of loss, regret and panic and it quickly overcame her.

She didn't know, didn't fathom that she needed him that much. When did that happen? How had that happened? He'd said that they were together now and she felt his sincerity. She knew he wasn't one to say those things lightly and she knew he wouldn't say it if it wasn't what he wanted or meant.

She felt scared. But she knew right now, she couldn't be anywhere else.

She took off her holster and gun and put them on the small desk near the window. Her watch followed, along with her wallet. She took off her boots and slowly got undressed, folding her pants and shirt and putting them in the chair next to the desk. Soon she was left in nothing but her underwear and she poked around in the bag looking for some nightclothes, realizing she forgot to pack any.

With a shrug she took off her bra and slipped underneath the covers with John after she cut off the lights and locked the bedroom door. She tried to move as little as possible so she wouldn't disturb him.

The street lights from outside cast a soft light in the room and she was able to make out the outline of his face in the dark. She envied him this rest. After the events of the night she was sure she wouldn't be able to sleep.

She closed her eyes, finally glad to just be still. She reached out and took his hand in hers holding onto it as she lay down. The simple touch soothed her and she seemed to breathe easier.

It was too unbelievable. Just last night they were at his place making love, this morning she fed him breakfast and now he was laying here unconscious because he got shot. And on top of that she had to deal with Cal real soon.

Tears slid from her eyes and moved closer to John, the grip on his hand was just a little tighter.

* * *

_The road was wet after a slight downpour just minutes ago. He had a lot of miles to cover and though he was exhausted, he couldn't turn back now._

_What a birthday this had turned out to be. Marshall Jennings was in the back trunk, on his way to a Mexican jail when what he really deserved was to be six feet under the ground. It hadn't been easy to restrain himself from killing the man, but he felt some sense of satisfaction on being there in time to stop him before it was too late. Unlike the last time, when he was too late for Jessica._

_He'd spent another ten minutes on the road when he heard the abrupt sound of sirens in the back of him and a police car motioning for him to pull over._

_He saw Carter walk towards the car and wasn't surprised that Finch had told her how to find him. He listened as she tried to reason with him, promising to make sure Jennings would face the consequences of his actions. He knew she believed every word she was telling him. She believed in justice, a fair trial. She believed in the system, but he knew the system didn't always make sure the right and fair thing was done._

_"I can't allow you to just execute people." She was practically pleading with him to see reason as she saw it. But he was single minded at this moment. He knew he couldn't turn Jennings over to her. he wouldn't._

_She mentioned New Rochelle, but he didn't react. She didn't speak to him in a judgmental way despite what he knew she thought. In fact her tone was one of quiet understanding. Everyone had thought he killed Peter Arndt. He never confirmed or denied it. It didn't matter anyway, he was dead and it was what he deserved for killing Jessica. He wouldn't kill the Marshall, but he'd make sure he'd never hurt his wife again._

_He needed Carter to understand. He needed her to **trust** him. He needed her to believe in him._

_"This isn't on you. It's on me. All I'm asking for is your trust." Her trust was important to him. she had become important to him. he wasn't sure he'd known that before, but faith in him was important. Without it what kind of relationship could they ever hope to have?_

* * *

"Joss?"

He uttered her name in his sleep again.

Was it once or twice that he called out? He didn't know.

The sound of his own voice woke him up, although he felt incredibly sluggish, and his midsection felt weighted down almost. He felt as if he couldn't move.

He turned to see her head nestled into the pillow next to him.

She was here.

He remembered the shoot out, Elias' men, her conversation with Beecher and Manny trying to shoot her. She was frantic although she was hiding it well. She helped Finch get him into the car and she sweetly kissed him before they pulled off.

He'd wanted her to be here. He'd wanted to see her.

And now she _was_ here, lying next to him and her hand was squeezing his. The scent of her perfume filled his nose and he felt good to know she was by his side. He lifted his other hand and reached over to touch her face. With his head turned in her direction he whispered her name again.

"Joss…"

He was still drowsy from the drugs and felt his eyes closing again. "Joss…."

"Hmmm…" she started to stir from sleep. "John? You're awake?"

"You're here." He said as she turned toward him.

"I'm here." She said her face close to his. "You should go back to sleep. You need to rest. I'll be here when you wake up." She promised, noticing he was already closing his eyes again. She kissed his cheek before turning over and going back to sleep herself.

* * *

He heard voices again. Hushed tones, almost a whisper. This time he was sure he wasn't dreaming though.

He opened his eyes slowly, looking around the room. He wasn't at home. This wasn't his bed and this was definitely not his loft.

The walls in this place were yellow. Almost the shade of a baby's nursery. There was only one large window to his right and he could tell it was early morning from the light coming inside the room.

The room was furnished, first with this massive bed that he was laying on, a bureau, an armoire, a flat screen on the wall and a small section of chairs in the corner to his right. Carter was seated on one of them, her cell phone to her ear and he listened to her conversation.

"I know, Cal. I said I was sorry about that." He heard her say, regret filled her voice. Obviously Beecher wasn't done making her feel guilty about what went down last night. "We need to talk about it." She went on. She was quiet for a while listening to Cal on the other end. "Yeah sure. I can meet you there in about two hours. I have something I need to take care of first." She hung up the phone and put it on the table next to the armchair and closed her eyes cradling her head in her hands.

"Is everything okay?" She turned abruptly at the sound of his voice and got up.

"Hey you." The relief in her voice warmed him. He enjoyed her touching his face, kissing his lips. And he loved her reaching for his hand. He pulled hers to his chest.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again. Do you hear me?"

"I'll try my best, Joss. Now come here." He said. "Come closer." He pulled her in for a hug. She was worried about him. It was an interesting feeling after all this time to have someone be worried about him. He hadn't experienced it for some time but he liked the concern in her voice, he liked the soft way she spoke to him. She kissed his cheek and got up, sitting next to him on the bed, but she didn't let his hand go.

"Going somewhere?" He asked.

"Yeah. I'm meeting Cal for breakfast."

He raised his eyebrows. "A date?"

"I wouldn't call it that, but we do need to talk about a few things." There it was again; that look of guilt on her face. He wondered where her head was right now. He wondered if she was having second thoughts about him, about them.

Guilt had a way of holding you captive. He knew that probably better than anyone.

"Should I be worried?"

He didn't like the look on her face after he asked the question.

"Of course not." She got up from the bed, but he held onto her hand stopping her.

"Joss….."

"There's nothing to worry about John." She slowly peeled her fingers out of his and he watched her as she threw on a tank top and some shorts.

"You know its unfair for you to be naked around me when you know I can't do anything about it."

"Well you've maintained your sense of humor. A sure sign that you'll be just fine. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"To get some water and soap. Hopefully I can find a basin in here somewhere."

"And what do you need that for?" He asked.

"_You_ need to take a bath and I thought I'd help you out. Some hot water will make you feel better. Or would you prefer that Finch did it?"

* * *

_"Tonic water for the lady here and….I'll take whatever you have that's on tap." She and Reese were in Best Bars and he'd offered to buy her a drink._

_"It all comes down to a matter of trust. The foundation of any healthy relationship. I just need to know where this is headed." She looked almost pleadingly at Reese as she said the words. His expression showed he understood where she was coming from. She wanted to know more._

_She took a drink of her tonic water as he sipped on his beer and told her that trust was a two way street._

_It wasn't that she didn't trust him. She did. But it had been months of them working together and she knew just as much as she did when she first started working with them which was nothing. She hadn't been sure of whom she could trust anymore. So many officers on the force were turning out to be on HR's payroll or working for Elias. She hadn't been sure of Fusco at the time either._

_She expressed as much to Reese who assured her he'd keep an eye on him._

_"I need to know more, John. I need to know just as much as you and your friend do about these cases we're working."_

_He looked like he was about to open up to her. About to trust her to give her the information she wanted, needed to know. But in the end he'd taken her to the bar just so she could arrest the girlfriend of their latest number after she attempted to kill him._

_As she sat at her desk a few hours later, the jealous girlfriend in custody, she wondered just what her role was in the bigger picture. Was she a trusted member of their team or was she just an asset to be used whenever they needed her?_

* * *

Carter knew she was supposed to meet Beecher in two hours, but here she was waiting for him, a half hour ahead of time. Reese hadn't been happy when she left, but she had unfinished business with Beecher. She was in the diner about four blocks from their precinct. She and Beecher would come here often to have breakfast or lunch together.

She shook her head still feeling bad about everything and how awful she'd handled it.

"_**You thought that I was dirty. After I asked you, more than once, to trust me."**_

His words echoed in her ears. He was right. After she confronted him, he had asked her to trust him. But instead she'd listened to John. John who'd said he saw Beecher leaving Jason Davis' apartment. John, who said he was sure that Beecher, was the one who had killed him.

The whole thing was a mess. And she couldn't help blaming herself for her part in it.

The server came by and she ordered a coffee. The time ticked away as she waited and eventfully she saw Beecher walk through the door and he joined her at the table.

He gazed at her warily as she sat opposite her, then offered a small smile. "Hello Joss." He said.

"Cal." She said leaning forward in her chair and reached out across the table to squeeze his hand. The server came over right away to take their breakfast order. "You look exhausted." She said.

"You look pretty tired yourself. Did you get any rest?" There it was again. The jab of her conscience, remembering how she'd spent the night next to John. Why'd he have to be so concerned right now?

"I slept a little. In and out. But I wouldn't call it 'rest'."

He nodded his head, sitting back in his chair. They made some more small talk for a bit and the server came back with their meals.

"How'd everything work out last night?" She asked.

He updated her on the bust. They'd found Manny's dead body at the Port this morning. There were no leads on who shot him, however. She was relieved to hear that, but didn't let on to Beecher. Overall his superiors were happy with the results of his case. Manny was dead, his supplier was locked up along with quite a number of his men. And he was successful in seizing over fifty million dollars worth of cocaine.

He was sure he would be up for a commendation. She smiled as he gave her the news. She was happy it all worked out in the end and she expressed that to him. He was happy too but he was really looking forward to his time off this weekend. The weekend that he had expected to be spending with her in D.C.

"I don't know what happened, Cal." She said sadly. "I just….."

"I think I do. What happened, was you stopped trusting me. Trust is the foundation of a relationship. If you don't have that….I mean I thought things were good, Joss. I thought we were making progress together."

"We were, Cal." She said the words, but she knew it was a lie.

"I don't want you to pretend anymore Joss. I think I knew after about a month or so that there was something…..maybe _someone_ who was holding you back."

She felt an overwhelming sense of remorse and regret.

"I wanted you to talk to me. I wanted us to work it out. But…..I don't know."

Carter looked down at her plate. Pancakes. She didn't even remember ordering pancakes. There were pancakes, bacon and eggs on her plate. Just like Reese made them. And she'd unconsciously ordered what he had made her twice. She put her fork down, pushing the plate away.

"Cal I really did enjoy spending time with you, I did. You were wonderful to me and in the beginning; a relationship with you seemed possible. But you were right, there was something holding me back. There was someone. It was _me_."

She saw the look on his face, but the demise of their relationship had nothing to do with Reese, really.

"After a while I realized that I couldn't go further with you. I couldn't put my finger on an exact reason why, but me and you….it wasn't what I wanted anymore."

Her eyes filled with tears at the crushed expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Cal. Really."

"So I guess this whole thing with Manny came along at just the right time. It gave you your out. Your reason to just get rid of me without feeling guilty about it."

He got up to leave.

"Cal, please don't be angry."

"I'm not. That's a lie. I am. You know what I wanna know? Who told you I killed Davis?"

"Cal…it doesn't matter."

"It does to me."

"There were two sources. One was Fusco's CI and the other was…a trusted source."

"A _**trusted**_ source? Yours?"

"Yes."

"Hmph. If this _source_ of yours isn't a CI and he's not being paid for his bogus information, I'd consider his motives for telling you what he did." He took out a few bills out of his wallet and put them on the table. "This should cover it." He said. "You take care of yourself, Carter." He left and his use of her last name was not lost on her. He normally only used her last name when they were working.

She guessed they were back to being strangers now.


	11. Regression

_A/N Cater is having second thoughts. I do not own Person of Interest or any of its characters._

* * *

_Consider his motives…._

She couldn't get the words out of her mind. On the drive back to Cobble Hill, it was all she could think of.

What were John's motives? He told her that he'd seen Beecher leaving Davis' house right after he got shot and she believed him. Even after Cal asked that she trust him, that he was working his case, she still took John's word over his.

She'd always trusted him, since day one it seemed. Even if a situation seemed questionable, she never doubted _him_ for a minute because he had always been upfront with her. He'd never lied to her.

She remembered when Szymanski got shot because John gave up the address of the safe house, he could've lied about how Elias got the information, but he was honest and told her he screwed up. He didn't want to lie to her.

But he also kept things from her.

There were quite a few things he kept from her actually, and though it really bothered her, she accepted it because she didn't think him deceitful. She guessed there were certain things he was simply unable to share with her. Like how he and Finch got their information, who their source was. There were elements of his life she guessed she'd never be privy to. But deep down she always trusted him, blindly sometimes.

But now…it seemed like Cal threw a wrench into all of it.

His world, shrouded in mystery, how much of it would she ever be able to see? Did he ever plan to let her in? Did he even feel like she belonged there?

She hated the questions that were swirling around her brain right now. She was second guessing everything.

And what about Cal? Did she really give their relationship a fair shot? Did she afford him the trust she should have? Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she'd been around John so long, she was unconsciously comparing Cal to him. And unfortunately when he didn't measure up, (could anyone for that matter?) she checked out of the relationship emotionally and couldn't move forward.

John wasn't happy about her meeting with Cal, he probably knew she'd come back with doubts. She assured him things would be fine before she left, little did she know that she was lying to herself.

She felt shitty right now. And when she pulled up to the brownstone, she hesitated to get out.

* * *

"Almost back to normal, Mr. Reese." Said Finch with a slight nod.

He took the BP cuff from Reese's arm and put it on the table next to the window. Just then the thermometer beeped and he removed it from under Reese's tongue. "Good, good." He said recording the results in a little notebook. Reese shook his head at Finch. It seemed he was enjoying the role of nurse.

"Dr. Tillman was worried you might develop a fever, but looks like you'll be fine."

"Between you and your little notepad and Carter and her sponge bath this morning, I'm starting to feel like I'm in a real hospital."

Finch looked at him through narrowed eyes and checked his bandages. "Dr. Tillman should be here soon to change these."

"Hmm…"

"And speaking of Detective Carter…." He sat on the bed next to Reese, unsure how to broach the subject of their relationship.

"What about Carter?"

"You two have been through a great deal together, many close calls, tight situations….I know you care for her a great deal…"

"Yes."

"A blind person could see how much she cares for you. I think I knew something was there before you both did. It was obviously just a matter of time before something happened between you two." Finch took off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes.

"But….?"

"But there are so many things that can go wrong. What happens when she starts asking questions again? About how we get our information? What happens when there are things you feel she deserves to know, but _**can't**_ tell her? It could ruin everything."

"There are already things that I can't tell her and she's accepted it."

"That was before things became….physical…..between you two. Like it or not, sex does change things….in more ways than one."

"I'm well aware of what sex can do Finch. I learned about the birds and the bees just like everybody else. Well maybe a little more than everybody else." Reese's lopsided smile appeared and he dismissed Finch's worry.

"Be serious, Mr. Reese. You were able to keep her at a bit of an arm's length before, but now it may not be so easy. One wrong move and it could all explode in our faces."

"You have nothing to worry about, except the numbers. You leave Carter to me."

"Speaking of numbers…"

"We've got a new one?"

"Yes and since you're indisposed, I've enlisted the help of Detective Fusco. He's been monitoring our newest number. But I've also called Ms. Morgan for some help."

"Zoe?" Reese raised his eyebrow in curiosity. "Hmmm, haven't seen her since…" he was remembering the last night they spent together playing husband and wife, literally. "….the '_divorce'_."

"Yes, I know." He got up when he heard the doorbell. "I'll be sure to give her your regards when I see her."

"You do that."

* * *

"Detective." Finch was there to greet her at the door. She finally was able to drag herself out of the car.

"Good morning, Finch."

"Doesn't quite sound like it. Is everything alright?"

She let out a sigh, and took her coat off. "I'm sorry. I just had a meeting with Beecher. It didn't go the way I thought it would."

"I take it he's still upset that you thought he was _really_ working for Gabric."

"Yeah. And then some. He wanted to know who my source was."

"And what did you say?"

"The truth, one was a CI's of Fusco's and the other was a trusted source of mine. Where's John?" She asked.

"He's in bed. You think he's going to be satisfied _not_ knowing who your source is?"

"He seemed to accept my answer, but I'm sure he's still curious and I can't say I really blame him."

"Do you want some tea?" He said leading her into the kitchen. "I brewed some fresh."

"I'm more of a coffee drinker, Finch."

"Just try it. One cup. It's very calming, and you look –"he began pouring her a cup "….like you need some reassurance right now. Sugar?"

She nodded and he added some for her.

She took the cup from him and returned his smile. "Thanks, Finch." She said taking a sip of the tea. "I guess I'm feeling a little bit of guilt over my place in all this. And I'm thinking I should have given Beecher the benefit of the doubt."

"Well hindsight is always 20/20. The important thing is to not be too hard on yourself. You did what you felt you had to, based on the evidence. It's not more or less than you've ever done for any other case."

"You know this isn't bad at all, Finch. Thanks."

He was about to respond, when the doorbell rang again. "And I'll get that."

"I'll head in back to check on John."

* * *

Finch had disappeared from the room to get the doorbell and though he'd heard Carter's voice, it was a while before she came down the hallway and into his room. When she came in, he saw the look on her face. She seemed a little upset, but she was trying her best to hide it from him.

"Hey you." He said, holding his hand out to her. She walked over to him taking it and sat next to him. "Tell me." He said.

She shook her head. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

"No you're not." He said squeezing her hand. "Talk to me."

"John, I –"

Footsteps were approaching and the door swung open when Dr. Tillman came in with Finch.

"Well, look who's up and awake. You look really alert." She said walking over to him. "How's the pain? The meds working okay?"

"Just fine, Doc." Carter got up slowly and walked to the other side of the room and sat down on one of the chairs. His eyes followed her. "Thanks for stitching me up."

"Please. I owe you one, remember. I'm just glad for the opportunity to repay the favour." He smiled as she started to check his blood pressure. "Your friend here tells me he checked it this morning, but I'm just going to check it again."

"I'll leave you in the doctor's capable hands. I have that meeting I told you about. Doctor, thanks for coming by. Detective. " Said Finch and left the room. Carter nodded at him and waved goodbye.

"You're welcome." Said the doctor and turned her attention back to John. She helped him lie flat on his back. She inspected his bandages and slowly peeled them off to take a look at his wound. It seemed to be to her satisfaction and she applied a fresh one to it.

He was unconscious when she told Finch about the different meds he needed to take so she went over everything with him now. She wanted him to stay in bed and rest and to limit his movements for another two days at least. Then she wanted him to try moving around the room on his own. But she advised him to take things slowly.

"I don't know, Doc. It's only been one day and I'm already getting cabin fever." He joked.

"Luckily for you, these meds will keep you drowsy enough; you won't have the energy to move. As a matter of fact it's time for your first dose."

"I'll go get some water." Said Carter heading for the kitchen. She came back with a glass of water in her hand and passed it to the doctor.

"Thank you…I'm sorry I didn't get your name."

"Where are my manners?" Asked Reese. "Dr Tillman, this is Detective Carter, Carter this is Megan Tillman."

"Nice to meet you." said Carter and they both shook hands. He watched as both women made small talk for the next few minutes. By the time Dr. Tillman left he was beginning to feel the effects of the medication and he was already mildly drowsy.

"Come here, Joss." She lay down in bed next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. She fit so right next to him and put an arm around her. It felt as if the world was resting on her shoulders and he wanted to ease her burden any way he could. "Are you going to tell me how it went with Beecher?"

"He was upset, he was angry. He was disappointed in me."

"That's understandable."

"He said I should have trusted him. And he was right."

"You knew this wasn't going to be easy, Joss."

"He said he knew I had doubts."

"Doubts about the case?"

"No. About us. He said he knew that there was something holding me back. But he wanted to work through it because he cared about me. And even now..."

Before she left he'd asked her if he should be worried. She had told him no, but the moment she set foot inside the bedroom he knew something was wrong. In that short space of time, that one meeting with Cal, things had begun to unravel. He could feel it. A thread was loose, and now it was being pulled at, fast and hard. He wasn't just worried now; he was concerned and maybe a little scared.

"You're not thinking of going back to him. We've talked about this, Joss. I'm not letting you go. Besides, he's really hurt right now; he'd say anything to hurt you because he feels betrayed."

She didn't answer him right away, but he was a little relieved that instead of pulling away, she snuggled closer to him.

"I wonder if maybe you and I rushed things."

"Don't say that."

"I'm sorry."

"Look at me." He said, putting a thumb under her chin. "Look at me. We said no regrets remember? I wouldn't take one moment back. Do you hear me? Not one."

"Maybe I _**am**_ confused right now, maybe it's just the guilt talking, but I won't lie and say that I don't have questions."

"What type of questions?"

"Did you lie to me? When you told me you saw Beecher leaving Davis' apartment. Did you lie?" She got up from beside him and sat with her back against the foot board. Her eyes were fixed on him and he suddenly felt like they were in the interrogation room back at her precinct the first day they'd met.

"Why would I lie to you?"

"I remember you telling me how much you wanted me…"

"I did. I still do. And you told me you wanted me. But it looks like that's changed. Has it?" He felt like a fool, suddenly. He felt like a fool for thinking that it was okay to open his heart again. Was she slipping away so quickly?

"You think I lied to get you into bed? When I said I wanted you, it wasn't just your body, Joss. I meant all of you. Everything. Your mind, your heart, your son, everything." It was difficult to get the words out, and the effects of his medication were making it worse. "I know I don't have much to offer in return…."

"Of course you do….You're a good man. I just don't know why I'm having these doubts. Everything was so clear to me yesterday; I knew what I wanted, who I wanted."

"Now you don't know if who you want is me? Is that what you're saying? Joss, is that what you're saying?"

* * *

Zoe lifted the glass of bourbon to her lips, letting the warm beverage glide over her tongue and down her throat. She smiled cheekily at Harold who sat across the table from her.

What was it about this man and his mysterious partner who was noticeably absent for this meeting she noted, that made her rush to their aid whenever they asked? Yes they had saved her life, on one occasion, but after she'd pretended to be John's wife during one of their last cases, she'd told John, that they were even.

She hadn't expected to hear from them again, or at least not this soon. And here she was working for them for free yet again. Still Harold's request was simple enough. He simply wanted information on a few naughty boys she'd had the displeasure of doing with a few years back and who she often had to mingle with on occasion.

She couldn't deny she loved to pick Harold's brain. He could be such a stimulating conversationalist and he seemed equally intrigued by her as well whenever they did meet. He loved rolling ideas off of her, hearing what she thought, how she'd act, there was a small glimmer of glee in his eyes whenever they spoke that he fought to conceal.

Unlike John. Not that he wasn't intelligent, on the contrary. But John wasn't much of a talker. And truly it wasn't his mind that she held much interest in anyway. It was the rest of him that she liked and had the pleasure of partaking in on their last night in the suburbs. What an interesting game of poker that had turned out to be. She couldn't remember a time before or after where she enjoyed playing the game more.

She'd hoped he would be here today, but he hadn't shown. Harold said that he was indisposed, whatever that meant. Which made her all the more intrigued about where the hell he actually was.

Was he helping some other damsel in distress? Was he busy playing another game of strip poker somewhere? A grin swept over her face as she remembered the last piece of clothing he'd taken off when he lost the last hand. A black sock that she pulled off with her teeth right before she…

"So you think Smith is the one we should be focused on?" Finch's question interrupted her thoughts.

"He's your best bet. Always follow the money. And he is where the money is."

"Ms. Morgan, I can't thank you enough for meeting with me. How can we repay you?"

"We?" she said looking around.

"John and I of course."

"I'd like to talk to him, say hi to old John. Call him for me, won't you?"

* * *

This conversation was going terribly wrong. Terribly, terribly wrong and she didn't know how to get it back on the right track. She looked into John's eyes and saw the pain behind them and she felt awful.

He'd just saved her life, took a bullet for her and here she was accusing him of being a liar. He needed his rest, he needed to get better. He didn't need to be treated this way.

"I'm sorry, John, I….." His phone was ringing and she turned in the direction of it. "I'll get it for you."

"Its probably Finch, just put it on speaker." He asked and she walked over with it.

"Finch." He said.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but it's not Finch." The flirtatious voice on the other end surprised them both. "Are you there, John?" She asked when he didn't respond.

"Zoe." He said finally.

Carter recognized the name, and then the voice of the woman who introduced herself as John's wife. She hadn't known how true it was back then, he'd never brought her up afterwards and she never questioned him about it. She just came to the conclusion that it was most likely a joke, but from the way her name slowly rolled off his tongue just now, they were more than just _**friends**_.

"Well hello there, John. I was telling Harold that he should have brought you along for the meeting. I'm dying to play catch up with you."

"Yes, it's been a long time. But I figured he could handle things on his own."

"What's got you so busy that you can't spare a few minutes to see me?"

"You know me; I'm always up to something. Right now, I'm dealing with something of…a personal nature."

"Hmm, there you go again trying to make me jealous. First the reporter, now some mystery woman? I hope she's fun. So when do I get to give you the pleasure of a rematch?"

"Rematch?"

"Of our last strip poker game. I did beat you last time; I thought you'd want the chance at another round, if you know what I mean."

Carter fought the urge to scream at her suggestion and watched the shaky smile that crossed Reese's face just then. She wondered what he would say. She was sure he regretted telling her to put the phone on speaker. But there was no way to fix it now.

"Now, Zoe, watch that competitive streak of yours. I think you just want another opportunity to prove you can beat me."

"Well honestly it doesn't matter who loses, in the end we both win." She laughed just then. "No pressure. You have my number _**when**_ you change your mind."

"Yes, I do."

"Bye, John."

He hung up the phone.

* * *

Reese watched as Carter slowly walked out of the room. He called after her, but she wouldn't come back. He lay back against the pillows feeling exhausted and very drowsy. He could no longer keep his eyes open.

This conversation had gone terribly wrong.


	12. Stumble & Fall

A/N I checked and it's actually been 2 months since I last updated this fic and I had to decide just how to end it. The next chapter of this will be the final one. But here's the latest. Thanks to amy/wolfmusic218 for doing some Beta work for me on this one and some great ideas on where to go with it. Hope you guys enjoy it. Since the last update was 2 months ago, you may want to reread the last chapter 'Regression' just to get a feel of how this one fits the story.

* * *

4 weeks later

Something had gone horribly wrong.

Reese felt it all the way to his bones. Things weren't the same between him and Carter. They'd been playing a cat and mouse game since that fateful morning when he got the call from Zoe and she'd interrupted their conversation. At the time she'd said she had doubts about them, she'd just ended things with Beecher and it seemed Zoe's call was the straw that broke the camel's back.

She'd stayed with him for the next week and a half. She helped tend to his wounds, made sure he was fed and was comfortable. She still bathed him till he was able to do it himself; she did what she could to make sure he had what he needed. As soon as she was satisfied he could do everything on his own or with Finch's help, she made herself scarce.

She went back home and from then on, it seemed she was holding back. She still called to check on him. She still came to see him almost every day, but she was different. There were no more passionate kisses. She looked at him with misgivings now instead of affection. She handled him not like a lover, but merely as a distant friend. She brushed off any attempt he made to discuss it. She told him he was misreading her, he had the wrong ideas, but he'd known her long and well enough to know he wasn't wrong.

"John, I'm tired. I have a couple new cases that I'm focusing on. I'm just distracted by work."

He heard her excuses, but he didn't believe them and with each passing day he felt them drifting apart more and more.

He was finally mobile now. He could move around and walk with minimal pain and he was glad because he'd grown tired of being confined to a bed for so long. He started a new case, working a new number and he sat on a bench overlooking the Queensboro Bridge waiting for Carter to arrive with the information Finch had requested.

He twiddled his thumbs as he waited anxiously and finally turned around as he heard footsteps approaching behind him. Instead of Carter, it was Fusco coming towards him with a case file in his hands.

Fusco noted the brief look of disappointment that crossed his face and remarked on it as he sat down beside Reese.

"Sorry I'm not the person you expected. Carter's busy back at the precinct. She's working a new homicide case that happened in the Bronx."

Reese nodded his head, taking the file that Fusco handed him. He prepared to get up, but Fusco stopped him.

"Sorry Wonder Boy. Can't allow you to take this one. It has to go back with me to the precinct."

"Why didn't you copy it like that last time?"

"The last time for you was several weeks ago. Things have changed a bit. And they're cracking down, implementing new procedures. We gotta be extra careful these days."

Reese glared at Fusco, then reluctantly opened the file, calling Finch to relay important information that he needed. They spent the better part of twenty minutes on the phone and he ended up taking a few notes on certain things they'd need later.

"Find a way to make copies for me Lionel. This isn't gonna cut it." He said indicating the piece of paper he tucked into the inner pocket of his jacket. "I need it by tomorrow."

"You're welcome." Lionel called after him as he got up and walked off. "Good to see you back on your feet."

Reese stopped and turned around and nodded his head. "Thanks."

She didn't want to see him, Reese deduced as he walked away and got into Finch's town car. He didn't know whether to be angry or disappointed at her slight.

This would be their first case together after the bust with Beecher, HR and Gabric. He was actually looking forward to working with her again. He missed having her by his side during a shootout or bar fight. He missed the look of disdain she'd give him when he threw yet another person through a window or sheet of glass. He missed the knot between her brows she'd get when he annoyed her.

He missed _**her**_, he thought finally. He missed the old her, not this reserved version of herself that she'd become. He wanted to see her when he wasn't flat on his back and she wasn't taking care of him. He wanted to remind her that at one point he wasn't helpless and weak, and that he was strong again.

He wanted to see her. He wanted to look her in the eyes and see if she still wanted him like he still wanted her.

She had avoided him long enough, but the numbers were beckoning and he needed to head back to the library to meet up with Finch.

He slipped into the town car and disappeared down the street, wondering where she was right now.

* * *

Fusco walked back into the precinct, got out of his coat and flung it over the back of his chair. He plopped down in front of his desk and cut on his computer. He put his glasses on waited for his computer to boot up and then entered his password.

_**Get me**_ _**copies, this aint gonna cut it**_, he said mimicking Reese from earlier.

"Someday you're gonna learn to appreciate me Wonder Boy." He said, opening the file he brought back in front of him.

"Talking to yourself again, Fusco?" He turned around to see Carter at his desk, a smile on her face.

He was relieved and a little taken aback at her expression. For the past few weeks since Reese had taken a bullet for her she'd been hard to read. At first he could tell she was terribly worried, scared even that he wasn't gonna make it. After he was in the clear she seemed relieved, but then everything had changed. She'd done a complete 180 and she was a bit withdrawn, introspective like she had a lot on her plate and couldn't stomach it all.

Something had gone wrong between them.

It was weird of him to think that something had gone wrong. He hadn't even pinpointed the day, moment or minute when something had shifted between his partner and the ex CIA agent turned vigilante, but he knew it had.

He knew they always enjoyed working cases together. He knew Reese had taken more than a liking to Carter. He probably knew exactly when they both started developing feelings for each other, but they both lived in utter denial of it.

Still they kept each other at arm's length, both acting like they were nothing more than partners, work colleagues. But somewhere in between her dating Beecher and the Manny Gabric case something had happened between them and Carter was different.

Now whatever it was that had gone right had now gone horribly wrong.

Right now though, she was sitting on the edge of his desk with a smile on her face staring down on him.

"Sometimes I do. I give the best opinions and advice around her anyway, Carter."

She saw the file in front of him and tilted her head.

"How'd your delivery go?" She asked innocently and that's when he realized what the smile was for. She wanted to pump him for information on Wonder Boy, wanted to know how he was without directly coming out and saying it. No wonder he was the delivery boy today while she pretended to be busy working a case.

"Pretty much the way it usually does. We exchanged barbs, I was treated to a few of his icy glares, he forgets to thank me."

She laughed at that.

"He wasn't too happy that he couldn't keep the file this time and I've been ordered to make copies of important information 'as soon as possible'."

"Well you know John." She said. "He can be pretty abrupt sometimes." She got up from his desk, planning to head back to her own.

"You know he looked a little disappointed to see me. Kinda like he was interested in seeing somebody else."

She looked at him, shrugged at his statement, but didn't respond.

"When was the last time you saw him?" He asked, but she evaded that question too, making an excuse about needing something out of the filing room.

He wasn't dumb. She didn't need a file. She was running. Which was out of character for her. From the time he was transferred here to the 8th she shown more gumption, than a lot of the cops he'd ever worked with.

Whatever it was that had gone wrong between her and Mr. Happy, he hoped it'd get sorted out soon.

* * *

Reese arrived in the library about an hour after his meeting with Fusco. He held a pastry box in one hand and fished into his pocket handing Finch the notes he took from the case file with the other.

"Here you go Finch. I feel like a student turning in his overdue homework."

"It turns out I don't need them Mr. Reese."

"What do you mean you don't need them? A few minutes ago they were pertinent to the new number."

"That was before I spoke with Detective Carter. She sent me some information on Mr. Davenport that confirmed my suspicions about where he got the monies that were wired to his account last week Thursday."

"You talked to Carter?" He asked, setting the box down next to Finch.

"Just a minute ago, actually. I'll need you to follow a lead at the office of his business associate Henry Mesner. Here's the address." Reese took the card he held out and turned around to leave.

"What's this?" He heard Finch opening the box.

"Croquillant. And a Danish for Bear." He answered as he went down the steps.

* * *

Kenneff Newland had been the owner of a food truck for about five years now. After moving from Westmoreland Jamaica long years ago and working as a short order cook in a West Indian restaurant, he'd finally decided to launch out on his own.

He'd saved some money, got himself a truck and for five years he'd been located in a comfortable spot surrounded by businesses and hungry people who found his truck every day. He served up curried goat, jerk chicken, jerk pork, rice and peas, among a host of other native Jamaican dishes. He was doing well for himself and he'd had ideas of adding another truck in a different location in the not so distant future.

Owning this truck afforded him the luxury of people watching. He had a habit of doing it in his spare time, but dealing with so many different people every day allowed him to observe their habits, listen to their conversations while he was at work. He could guess the eating habits of someone just by their conversation, how long they took to look at the menu, even by the speed or slowness of their gait.

He especially loved to watch the police officers who frequented his place of business. Today he watched as Detective Fusco walked up towards the truck. He was busy talking with Olssen, one of his colleagues. Curried goat was Fusco's favourite on top of white rice cooked in coconut milk.

His order today was the same as always.

"Kenny, give me a…."

Before he could finish the soda he wanted was in his hand and he shook his head at how well Kenny knew him.

"I gotta stop being so predictable, Kenny." He said. "You know my eating habits better than my ex wife did."

He and Olssen walked over to the benches not far from the truck and started to eat. Soon as Fusco took a bite of his mutton, he grimaced. Kenneff watched him wondering if it was because of his food, but it couldn't be. He looked in the direction of his glare and realized the scowl was for another Detective heading their way.

_18 Karat Cal_.

He remembered the nickname and the man well. He was supposedly smooth, supposedly sharp on his mouth and according to some of the conversations he'd eavesdropped on, supposedly crooked. Something about him had always rubbed him the wrong way. And now he was in an argument with one of his best customers.

He watched the heated exchange between 'Cal' and Fusco and right before it seemed to get especially heated, Olssen intervened and told him to leave. Instead, he sauntered towards the truck, looking over the menu.

"What's good here?"

"Oh everything's good. It's all a matter of what you have a taste for." Kenneff answered with a smile a mile wide.

"Well what do you recommend?"

"Oh that's easy. Jerk pork."

"Isn't that supposed to be spicy?"

"Flaming hot as a matter of fact. Only the bravest order it. But if you don't think you can stand the heat…"

"No I'll take it. Show me what you got."

He turned away with a smile on his face. The sauce today was especially hot. As he loaded Cal's food into the container he silently hoped it would burn right through him.

* * *

THE NEXT DAY

8am

Carter got out of the cruiser and looked around at the crime scene before her. She took the chain holding her badge out from underneath her coat and put in front so it was in full view.

Two fresh bodies lay on the pavement through an alley, one a young woman, Caucasian and she looked no more than 21 years old. The other was a middle aged man, also Caucasian, both of them shot twice. The man's pants were at his ankles and he was face down on the ground, while the girl was slumped over on her side.

"Tell me this doesn't look like what I think it is." She said looking at the girl's smudged lipstick and what resembled semen on the side of her mouth. She walked up to Fusco who'd arrived first.

"You mean it looks like they picked the wrong place and time to get freaky?"

She shook her head and started to put gloves on her hands, when she looked up to see Reese across the street.

"I'll be right back, Fusco." She said and he glanced up as she walked out of the alley.

"Sure you go ahead. I'll check this out here."

* * *

He watched as she crossed the street heading towards him. A breeze picked up then, blowing her hair across her face and she moved her hands up, smoothing it down and over her shoulders once more.

She bit her lip as she followed him into the alley where he stood and looked at him with what he felt was a hint of guilt.

He decided to talk about work. Maybe it would make her more comfortable.

"Finch is grateful for the information you gave him yesterday." She nodded.

"I'm always happy to help." This time he nodded as she looked him up and down. "You're looking much better. Glad to see you all healed up and back on your feet."

"Well I can't take all the credit. I had a really good nursemaid. She took good care of me."

"And just what do you call _good_?"

"Well let's just say having a sponge bath in the middle of the day was my favourite part of her _house calls_."

"I'm sure they were." She said and laughed. It was the first time in a long time that he'd heard her laugh.

He moved closer to her and was grateful that she didn't pull away when he reached out and took her hand. She raised her head up towards him and he bent his head down towards her.

They stood there, with just their cheeks touching and for a moment she squeezed his hand. He could smell the scent of her perfume in his nostrils.

"Joss….." he began, but she shook her head.

"Not now, John." She said releasing his hand and putting it on his arm. "Tonight."

It was the promise she gave him as she walked away.

* * *

1AM

Carter sat on her couch with her feet curled up underneath her watching TV in her living room. Taylor had gone to bed hours ago. It was late and she couldn't sleep. She'd had a lot of sleepless nights lately and though she blamed it on work and the changes taking place there, she knew it was due to her fledgling relationship with Reese.

She wondered if she should even call it that. He'd said they were together, but there were so many factors pulling them apart she wondered if that was still true.

Weeks after he was shot and weeks after her breakup with Beecher she still felt confused. She knew John noticed. She lied to him whenever he'd pressed her about it and she knew he saw right through her. But she found herself doubting him more and more every day.

The seeds of doubt Beecher had planted in her mind had grown and no matter what she did, she couldn't stop it.

She figured maybe a little distance would help. Maybe if they spent some time apart she could clear her head. It had done just the opposite. In fact it only served to make Reese more anxious and her more on edge.

It had felt so good to see him in the alley. Knowing that he'd been watching her, observing their crime scene took her back to the days when they used to work together. When he was fully alert and on top of his game. She was glad to see that he had recovered.

It had felt good to touch him, have him hold her hand for that brief moment. His presence, his touch had always seemed to calm her. But there were so many questions in her mind and no answers to satisfy them.

He wanted to talk. So did she. But though she'd told him tonight they would, she was halfway glad that she had yet to hear from him. Maybe he wouldn't like what she had to say. Maybe she wouldn't like his answers to the questions she had.

Fusco told her that he'd had a run in with Cal that week at lunch time. He was obviously still upset about his case that they'd both stumbled on. He was still furious with her for the way she treated him, like a criminal, he told Fusco. And that's where things went from bad to worse.

The things he'd said about her, to her partner, were private things that should never have been said. She was embarrassed, she was angry, but she still felt guilt over not trusting him through it all. She said as much to Fusco, but he was having none of it.

"_Carter, Beecher was bad news from day one. Whether it was him being a dirty cop or a lousy boyfriend, I knew from the beginning, he wasn't the one. Don't allow him to make you feel guilty for doing what you do every day, your job. You went with your gut, Carter. And your gut's never steered you wrong yet."_

"_It's not as easy as all that, Fusco." She said to him earlier. _

"_It can be. Just_ _let_ _it go Carter. Look at the bigger picture. It's time to move on_."

She walked into the kitchen and filled the tea kettle with water, putting it on the stove. She reached into the cupboard just over her head, looking for the hot chocolate. Maybe it'd help to calm her and put her to sleep. It wasn't long before the water was heated and she walked back into the living room sipping the hot beverage.

She looked over at the coffee table as her phone started to vibrate. She closed her eyes knowing just who it would be. She checked the clock on the wall as her phone continued to ring and set the mug down on the table, picking her phone up.

"Carter." She answered finally.

"Let me in, Joss." The quiet request on the other end of the phone caused her heart to pump faster.

"It's late, John."

"It is, but you're not asleep. Let me in."

She opened the door and he filled the frame, looming over her before coming inside. He pulled her in for a kiss and she felt the desperation behind it, weeks of wondering and waiting and not being sure. She put her hands on his chest and gently pushed him away.

His arms remained around her waist, he didn't want to let go.

"I thought you'd be here earlier." He let her lead him over to the couch and they sat down together.

"So did I." He said, although his words had a double meaning to them. "I've been worried. About us. I've been waiting for you to talk to me."

"I've got a lot on my mind. Still trying to sort it all out."

"Would I happen to be one of those things on your mind?"

"You know you are." She slid a hand over his thigh and rested it on his knee squeezing it.

"I wish I could say that I did. Most days it seems I'm the furthest thing from your mind. What's changed?"

"So many things, John." She admitted quietly. "Before, everything was clear. There was the job, there was the work that we do together, you had my back, I had yours, but….. Now it's different."

"All of those things are the same. The only thing that has changed is that we're together now. I still trust you to have my back; I still have yours, don't I?" His eyes were pleading and when she didn't answer right away, he grabbed her by the arms and turned her to face him. "Joss talk to me. I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's wrong."

"Where do you get your information, John?"

"What?"

"I've always asked you to trust me. I've always asked you where you get your information from. But you never trusted me enough to tell me."

"Joss…..I do tr…"

"Let me finish. I accepted it before because I had no choice. I couldn't force you to tell me. I just trusted you and worked alongside you even when you repeatedly kept me in the dark. You asked me to trust you before and I did. But things _are_ different now. We're not just friends or partners anymore. But I don't see how I can be anything else to you when you don't trust me and when I…"

"…..when you can't trust me."

* * *

Reese was hurt more than he could explain. She didn't trust him anymore. The whole mess with Beecher and her case had messed with her head and now she was questioning his motives for wanting to move their relationship forward.

"We've been through a lot together. We've depended on each other. You know that I trust you. How can you think that I don't?"

He looked at her, eyes shining with tears in the dim light of the room and he was in disbelief. He wondered how they'd come to this. And he wondered how they'd get past it. They'd come too far, and he didn't want to lose the connection they now had.

"You want to know what trust is, Joss? Trust is meeting a detective in a restaurant, who was the reason you got shot, not too long after you saved her life. Trust, is believing that this detective wasn't going to have the NYPD task force waiting to arrest you in that restaurant."

She hung her head down, but he wouldn't let her look away. He drew her chin up again, lifting it with his fingers.

"Look at me, Joss." He said his voice filled with emotion. "Trust is putting my life and Finch's life in your hands, believing you wouldn't arrest us or turn us in for doing something that went against your moral compass."

"John, that's not…."

"No. You're going to listen to this Joss. Because you think that I don't trust you. I trusted you so much that I…I admitted to you how much I wanted you, how much I needed you while you were involved with Beecher. After Jessica I've never wanted any other woman the way I want you and I was terrified of this not working out between us. But I trusted you with my…."

He didn't want to say the word…and silence hung between them for a while. The tears that had gathered in her eyes were threatening to fall. She seemed to be taking it all in, mulling over what he said. He hoped he was getting through to her.

"Joss, I can't tell you where the information comes from. I want to. But my life, Finch's life, anyone who finds out about our source is in danger. It would destroy me if anything were to happen to you because of your knowledge of it."

* * *

The hot chocolate was getting cold. The TV on mute, faces on the screen, mouths speaking, but no sound coming out.

John's hands held hers tightly, the grip indicative of the urgency of the words he spoke.

He couldn't tell her. She heard the words and they should have put her at ease but they didn't. It was a broken thread from a newly sewn garment. It was coming loose, pulling the rest of the cloth with it.

Was what he was willing to give, able to give enough? Would it ever be?

If he couldn't tell her now, would he ever be able to tell her? Wasn't she in enough danger by simply working with him and being a part of his circle, the work they did together? How much difference would the danger be than what she was in daily as a detective on the NYPD homicide task force?

They were at a crossroads, she knew. Either they would move forward or things would go back to the way they were. It wouldn't be easy if it did. In fact, the trust they had before would be irreparably damaged, their relationship would slowly deteriorate until they became strangers. She didn't want that, but she wasn't satisfied with what she was given now.

"I think I've proven that I trust you, Joss. The real question is, do you trust me."

"I want to know where I fit in your life, in this grand scheme that seems to be so big you can only let me in so far."

"Carter, you _are_ _important_, to my life, to the work that Finch and I do. Not just providing back up or case files. You add a certain heart, humanity to what we do. As for you and Beecher…..you don't honestly believe that I told you about him killing Jason Davis to get you into bed. You know I wouldn't do that. You know me. No matter what's going on in your head, deep down, you know _exactly_ who I am."

His eyes were piercing through her right now, pleading with her not to let what they had go.

…._your gut's never steered you wrong yet…. Just_ _let_ _it go Carter. Look at the bigger picture. It's time to move on_…..

Fusco's words from earlier echoed in her head, over and over. He was right. It was time to move on.


End file.
